Friday, January 21, 2011

Are you Overwhelmed?

There are times in parenting a child with RAD when it becomes "to much". We just become exhausted, weepy and don't know what to do next. We have had an extra tough week at our house with Teddy. I won't go into details because I think it would be disrespectful of him. But he was out of the home for a few days and is now back. I do not know that anything has changed.

About 3 or maybe 4 years ago, while in the toughest stage of attachment therapy I started trying different things to see what would help me get through these overwhelmed feelings. There ARE things that help.

Physically: Get an extra hour of sleep. I go to bed at least a half hour to an hour earlier when I am feeling overwhelmed and it makes  a difference. I normally go to a 6 am Bible study on Fridays, but last night I told myself it was a morning to stay in bed, so didn't set the alarm. I love my ladies there to pieces, but I NEED sleep this week.

Work out: I have started the treadmill program. I like it and have made it through the first two days. I normally go to Zumba a few days a week but have cut that back to one while I try to build for this and will add them back in as I get stronger.  I can go to the Y so tense and come out refreshed and with a clearer mind.

Support: Get help. I have spent hours on the phone this week, on the computer googling, looking for services that would help Teddy.  I'm not sure but I may have found a transition program that will be appropriate for him. He is 18. Legal age in Nebraska is 19.

Talk: Find people you can talk too. If you don't have friends who understand, go to a therapist who does. If the first one doesn't get it, go to a different one. I had a bad experience yesterday at Teddy's dismissal session with the therapist there who not only didn't get what was going on, didn't get me and just seemed to not have a clue in general. "Let's just look at Teddy's good qualities and the wonderful person he is." she is said in her sugary enthusiastic voice. Of course, we need to do that, but there is some very serious stuff going on that needs to be addressed. It was not, and I was not heard.  Fine. I fired her in my mind and moved on to other support.

Eating: Seek out healthy foods. Remind yourself that it is easy to get sick when stressed and your body needs good fuel. Do not feed your emotions with food. Food is not your friend. Merely the gas for our tanks. Would you put junk in your car?

Spiritually: How does your faith help you when things are tough? Music, Bible reading, talking with Christian friends, and prayer all help get me through.

Play: Have fun. Laughter truly is the best medicine. If you have time out do something you truly enjoy. My husband and I have started taking swing dance lessons on Tuesdays. We both have a great time. Take a class (craft, education, gym, dance) join a club (extension, cards, craft) go try  something you always wanted to try!
Well, excuse me, it is 8:30 am and I am taking a nap. Then doing some work I do need to do. Then going to a matinee with a friend.

Have a healing day for yourself!


Lisa said...

You always have such great ideas, Brenda! Thank you!

"Fired her in my mind...." Made me LOL! :)

Curly Hairdo Ideas said...

What a great post. Thank you for the inspiration!

At my house we aren't dealing with the same issues you are - but this list is still invaluable! I really really appreciate it, you have no idea.

Thank YOU!
~ Karli

Brenda said...

Thank you for coming to read my Blog!

Erika said...

Hugs to you. Hope things get better for him and for your family soon.

Brenda said...

Thank you Erika. I hope so too. Red tape takes time, unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

I am the RAD Grandma. As I read your post, it strikes me how similar you are to my daughter. She has fired several people in her mind due to their incompetance. In the past, she has let too many of those people waste her preciuos time. You share the same "list" for self presevation. She came to hers by faith,love, determination and research, as it seems you have. You are both making positive contributions of enlightenment to a society that dismisses RAD as an excuse for bad parenting. I thank God for you both; and for all the struggling RAD parents. May God bless you all! Keep up the good work!

Brenda said...

RAD Grandma,

You are such a blessing to me, and I'm sure to your daughter too. Thank you for your encouraging heart.

Whitney said...

Hi Brenda! I stumbled upon your blog by sheer accident--I know no one with RAD, but your blog captivated me, and I've spent the past hour (at work...oops) read it. You are a true angel. I'm glad that God thought to play "matchmaker" and allow you to be these kids' mom. I will pray for your and your family.

Brenda said...


Thank you so much for your kind words and even more for your prayer support. I do appreciate it.

Becky said...

Thank you for this post I really needed this today. I am exhausted with all the daily drama that goes on at my house with two high school RAD boys. I try to take care of myself as best I can, but sometimes it is hard.

Brenda said...


I can so realte to what you are saying. We will be having problems with one and I think "Well at least >>> is doing ok right now." Then BAM there is a call from the principal. Our two most definitely have a trauma bond and just can hardly stand the sight of each other, and yet, if I were to talk to the one the other will join in and try to gang up on me with them. It is hard. But then you know that. I just work hard at keeping them apart and also on doing things individually with them.