Sunday, July 25, 2010

RAD and social issues

Our boys have such social issues. This problem stems from several sources.  Infants and toddlers need a ton of face to face time with mom. This is where they develop the ability to read faces.  As preschoolers having mom explain what they see and play with them down on the floor gives them more practice.  Our kids didn't get this. Then their is trauma. Trauma has  a dramatic effect on the brain. The brain flies into fight, flight or freeze mode.  There is then a loss of the ability to learn how to be the current age. They are focused on just existing and getting through the trauma. Dr. Bruce Perry explains it something like this. This is a paraphrase as I am remembering from a conference a few years ago.

Imagine you are in a car that gets stuck on railroad tracks. You see a train bearing down on you. You stair in terror as it gets closer knowing that the end is near. Your heart beats fast. You break into a sweat. Someone hands you a book and says "Here read this".

Not going to happen. This is how our kids with RAD live much, if not all the time.  Many of them have a faster pulse.  They have an over developed flight, fright and freeze brain and an underdeveoloped logic/emotion regulation brain.

It shows up like this:  Fish had 3 friends ove last night. Teddy barely knows them.  Right before they game Teddy started planning what they were going to do. Fish explained this was his gig and that Teddy wasn't going to plan it. He tends to dominate all social situations in a "Please notice I'm here" kind of way. He also can't stand for us to focus on other people as I think it stirs up that abandonment feeling "They don't even know I'm here".  It is tough.That is for sure.

You can practice social skills. It is much like banging your head on the wall as long as the RAD is strong.  It is too fear driven.

Focus on building the attachment and try to cover for your healthy kids when you can. If it had gone out of hand last night I would have taken Teddy out for some ice cream or something just to give Fish a chance for some normalcy with friends in our home.
I'm rambling. Have a healing day.


Adult Survior said...

I am so sick of the "RAD" baloney going on. RAD is a very serious illness that is also very, very, very rare. I am sure you are intellegent adults so why are you falling for the stupidity that these "attachment therapists" are selling? It is all about making money for these guys. It is Americas new legal child abuse. Kids are dying for gods sake. If you want to know more about the TRUTH visit

Becky said...

Thanks for the encouragement!

Anonymous said...

Thank you! I found your blog doing a Google search. I look forward to reading about your journey and things you have learned parenting RAD kids.

Becky said...

With two rad boys there can be fighting over friends. Thankfully today there was sharing going on. It was marvelous!

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