Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Mother's Day: Shake Rattle and Roll

A day that celebrates Mothers. How odd to the traumatized child who has been abused or abandoned to celebrate these scary people.  Mother's Day used to leave me shaken. It was the day I could expect my boys with RAD to act out more than any other day of the year. It was the day I ended feeling unloved and exhausted.

Not any more.

Here is what I do. Make Mother's Day about my mother and mother in law.  It is the day I focus on being thankful for the mother I have. I talk about it with my boys and make sure they know I am thinking of her. Keep it low key. It doesn't need to be a big production.

Do something fun. If they cannot handle it, leave them with your husband and go with the kids who can.  If you do this be very careful in your delivery. It is needs to be a loving "You are acting scared today and need to stay safely home with dad. I understand this is a tough day for you and I'm not going to push you to do things you are uncomfortable with." NOT "You are not behaving so you can't go." 

Plant a bush or flower in honor of a mother who hs died. Talk about how special she was and remember the good times.

Go for an hour or so for some time alone. Go to a movie, a pedicure, or just a long walk through a pretty park.  One of my favorites is a coffee shop with a newspaper or magazine.

We do not have to have tradition Mother's Days if it is not the right fit for our family. Make it your own way that works for you.  We have traumatized kids. They cannot suddenly be untraumatized because we want things a certain way.

Have a healing day!


Integrity Singer said...

this was good. thank you!

GB's Mom said...

wise thoughts :)

Jennifer said...

Awesome idea!

Karen Deborah said...

Brenda, Happy Mothers Day sweetie! somehow I lost you on my blogroll and saw you popped by. I am so glad you did!!!

Radical Melody said...

My heart is heavy with Mother's Day coming up. I have no one positive to focus on (would you believe my own mother has attachment issues, too?!?!!). So I turn it (in my own mind) into "Son's Day" and enjoy every bit of my beautiful (non RAD) boy. He brings me joy and peace. If not for him, I don't know where I'd be.

Thanks for this post.

Suzie said...

could you somehow include their birth mother in mother's day?