Monday, March 8, 2010

RAD and guns

We are done working on our house. We are exhausted but feeling pretty good about how it turned out. We do have a new dishwasher coming today. A guy is pouring a new sidewalk some time this week but our part of the work is done. We cleaned out every closet, cleaned out the kitchen cupboards, organized, scrubbed and decluttered every inch of this house! Now to get 3 teenage boys to help keep it this way without being  military. So far they have been helpful to varying degrees. Taz has risen above the crowd to be our right hand cleaning man!

Yesterday Taz and Teddy wanted to go bike riding. There is a big park a couple of blocks from here with a nice riding trail.  I think the out of doors is healing. It is great exercise. My only concern is the other kids they may come across.  This park/trail is a busy place so it is safe.

After a couple of hours Taz comes home and says the Teddy has a B B gun in the park and was shooting at him.  I jumped in the car (forget I told you it is a couple of blocks) and drove over there. Taz said another kid gave it to him and they were shooting together. In my mind this kid was going to be heavily tattooed, wearing a couple of days growth of beard, long greasy hair, smoking and swearing like a sailor. I pulled up to see Teddy and this other boy playing around. No guns in hand.

Teddy jumped on his bike and headed over and the other kid jumped on his and came along. I'm thinking "Oh great. He has attitude." Up pulls a very clean cut polite boy who spoke respectfully." I asked him nicely if he'd had his B B guns at the park and he said yes. I told him I didn't think a busy public park was a good place to shoot. He agreed and said they were just shooting puddles and old leaves and stuff. I pointed out that when the park is as busy as it was yesterday it would be easy to miss and accidently hit someone. He agreed.  I asked if they were shooting at Taz. The other boy's eyes immediately lowered to the ground. Teddy gets the angry twisted face look and says "NO. WE DID NOT." I looked at the other boy and told him I would not put him in the middle of it as I saw the agony on his face as he was trying to decide what to do. He looked so relieved.

Later I told Teddy that he was not being a good friend to this very nice boy (with somewhat faulty judgment) when he made him choose whether to lie for him or tell on him. He agreed. I told him he needed to come clean for his friend if nothing else.

They still do get to go to the park. Not because I think Bear feels any differently but because I don't think the friend will bring Bear a B B gun next time.

Good thingL MUCH use of the word "we" when talking about selling our house and moving. I think this move is going to be good for attachment. Teddy is still really struggling in his relationship with family these days. He is so angry. So afraid. I hope a fresh start helps.

Never, never, never quit.


Diana said...

Wahoo on having your house ready. Moving was indeed good for my kids and for attachment. The sooner you can make it happen, the better. Once we had our house ready for showing, we just locked it and left and stayed in Daddy's apartment. It was SOOO much easier to keep clean that way!

GB's Mom said...

I am trying to never,ever quit.

Mom 4 Kids said...

Goodness sakes I was ready to grab my keys and head over there too and I didn't even know where we were going! Thanks for sharing this, you handled it great!

Brenda said...

GB's Mom,

((((((hugs)))) It is very hard. Very Very Hard. I think keys to not giving up are: Taking care of yourself: Physically, spiritually, emotionally, Seeking out support in your Faith, family and friends. And getting the professional help that understands the disorder. I know you can do it.

J. said...

yipee on the house. I can only imagine the BB gun thing. Holy! Have a good week, hope all the house stuff gets done without to much trouble.