Focus on Attachment

I find that having a child with RAD it is easy to focus on their lack of attachment. I start looking for it everywhere. I read into their every word and action. They didn't say goodbye. Lack of attachment. They made a rude remark. Lack of attachment.

I think my parenting is much more effective when I focus on attaching. Loving looks, empathy, gentle touch.  Those things bring attachment. Looking for fun activities to do together.  Yes. They may sabatoge the activity. I find the more simple and short the activity the more successful it is. A quick walk, a funny movie, doing a chore together.  The simplest and easiest activity can be relationship building if we work to connect with them during it.

This move is going to be great for building attachment. We are working on getting our house ready to sell. The boys like doing that sort of thing and are eager to pitch in as long as the job is not a long tedious one (like scrubbing grout, which is actually a great consequence) We are going to go visit the new high school and see the new house. Do a tour of the town. We will stay in a motel the night. Fun. Yes. There will be testing, there is always the testing. It will be fun if I focus on actually having a good time together and what we are doing instead of on what is going wrong. If I focus on whichever kids choose to have  a good time and ignore the other he is more likely to join in. Maybe not. Bummer for him.

Have a healing day!