Monday, February 22, 2010

Focus on Attachment

I find that having a child with RAD it is easy to focus on their lack of attachment. I start looking for it everywhere. I read into their every word and action. They didn't say goodbye. Lack of attachment. They made a rude remark. Lack of attachment.

I think my parenting is much more effective when I focus on attaching. Loving looks, empathy, gentle touch.  Those things bring attachment. Looking for fun activities to do together.  Yes. They may sabatoge the activity. I find the more simple and short the activity the more successful it is. A quick walk, a funny movie, doing a chore together.  The simplest and easiest activity can be relationship building if we work to connect with them during it.

This move is going to be great for building attachment. We are working on getting our house ready to sell. The boys like doing that sort of thing and are eager to pitch in as long as the job is not a long tedious one (like scrubbing grout, which is actually a great consequence) We are going to go visit the new high school and see the new house. Do a tour of the town. We will stay in a motel the night. Fun. Yes. There will be testing, there is always the testing. It will be fun if I focus on actually having a good time together and what we are doing instead of on what is going wrong. If I focus on whichever kids choose to have  a good time and ignore the other he is more likely to join in. Maybe not. Bummer for him.

Have a healing day!


Dia por Dia said...

I agree with you that the move will be good. Even though ours were younger (8 & 9) when we moved they really embraced the "fresh start" and that fact that we were ALL moving and they were coming along made for some incredible healing. We moved further away than you are going but it was like the farther we got from our old home the more "old" behaviors they left behind. It took me almost a month of being in the new house before I realized that they no longer did ... It was great and helping out in the process of packing was great "bonding" time for us. Hope it goes really well for y'all!

LemonyRenee' said...

This is a great post. Now, could you walk behind me reciting it repeatedly? Sending very, very good luck for the trip. I hope it is inspiring for you all.

Lindsey said...

I completely understand. I have 2 kiddos with RAD and it is a real challenge...they still don't like me much after years of adoption!
Lindsey Petersen

Rick said...

Had to check in and see the "serious" side of Trix. I hope that the move thingy is still going well. We've been here 8 years now. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere in my entire (long) life.

Brenda said...

We have been here 17 years. I was thinking this morning our kids had better appreciate us cleaning this out. When they put me in a home it will mean less work for them! : )

Anonymous said...

What a great resource!