Friday, December 4, 2009

Stop the madness!!

Some regression going on here. It is expected during the Christmas season. Doesn't make it much easier now does it. We went to Fish's first swim meet of the season last night. I stopped ahead and bought Subway before left. Part way through the meet Dad runs out and gets it out of the car. I know Teddy ALWAYS gets a ham and bacon with lettuce and tomato on Italian Parmesan. ALWAYS. He ate some nacho Doritos last time so that is what I bought this time....and a bottle of Sprite. He sat down and said these were the wrong chips. He started slamming things around. Hubby said "Move over to the side and eat." which put him about 5 feet away. He stomped down there and started screaming "I HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU" Public humiliation is always good for the soul. A little later a friend walked by. She pulled me off to the side and told me that Teddy had told her a few weeks ago how mean he is and that he is going to go live with a different family. Ack. I'm sure the progress he has made is scary to him. He apologized later. I accepted. We will have a big talk this evening now that he has calmed down and discuss where his feelings are coming from and what he will do as restitution.

Horrible moments become teachable moments if you work at it. Don't miss opportunities!

7 comments:

Christine said...

I got the "You're a BAD MOM!" in the waiting room with all the senior adults waiting on spouses to get their cataract surgery done.

It was ... lovely.

Diana said...

Oh, the joys of RADland. I'm not sure which is worse - the public "I hate you, you're a bad mom!" or the friend pulling you aside to discuss her concerns over the situation. Ugh! Personally, I think it's the latter. The first I get because I know where it's coming from and I also hear it pretty much every day. But other people don't get it and they love to try to step in and fix it...or call the police...or whatever they feel will make a difference in the world. Or worse, they tell you to lighten up because this is just "normal kid stuff." Yah, right.

Hope your talk goes well. Yes, they can become incredible teaching moments as long as we reframe ourselves and put ourselves back in a balanced place where we can deal with our not so balanced and not so rational children first.

Jennie said...

ok. so this made me feel better. sorry! I HATE these moments with my RADish but I hate it more that so few people in my family ever see it themselves - so they think I'm overreacting. Once I was called a perfectionist. I hate that RADs makes other people think the moms are the mentally ill ones.

so I feel better because hearing your story and knowing it lines up with the insanity of my family life normalizes it for me.

I hope it gets better! Holidays are HORRIBLE for our kids! Just horrible. I wish I could make them vaporize.

Brenda said...

I have very much become a minimalist about the holidays. It is a gift really because now I focus more on the meaning.

peggysue said...

We don't have too much public exhibitions of RAD yet. However, we have dealt with a lot of lying and subterfuge and triangulation the last two weeks. And we don't have a sign of a Christmas decoration up anywhere . . . but I guess it is too pervasive to think it won't be affecting my child.

Jules said...

Geeze, sorry to hear about the difficulty. I'm curious, does he yell in public like that around other kids who are his age?

Brenda said...

Jules~ When he was younger he would go to great lengths to his his rage from everyone but me. The last couple of years he doesn't seem to really care who hears it any more. He will be 18 this summer.....Teen RAD is tough stuff.