Our families all have a balanced steady state of equilibrium. This is the family homeostasis. It is whatever is consistent for us. It can keep us on an even keel OR it can keep us stuck. We can keep repeating stuck behaviors just because we have fallen into the pattern.
When we see our home life falling into a pattern of fighting we need to stop and examine what is going on. Generally when that happens in our home I see a couple of things:
1. We have stopped having fun. If our kids have to earn all of their fun we will develop negative homeostasis. Due to their past trauma our kids may feel they don't deserve rewards. The family closeness can trigger the fear in them. Go do something fun anyway. We had a terrible morning but since my boys have a half day of school today I'm taking them out for lunch. Did they earn it? No. Do we all need it? YES.
2. I have fallen into acting on my feelings instead of thinking things through. I have started taking their actions personally. When they say "Don't start pretending like you care." and you have been working so hard to show them that you do. STOP! THINK! They are saying "Please let me know you care. I'm afraid."
3. I have stinkin thinkin. Sometimes I need an attitude adjustment myself. I may be tired, overwhelmed, not exercising, eating junk or not getting time with other adults. Sometimes it is ME who needs a time out!!
When you put a positive balance back into the family and are open to change you will see the change in your family. The old adage "If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy" is really true.
Here's to having a positive homeostasis in your family!!