Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pass the Nuts

Do you ever think maybe you are just nuts? They used this cartoon at Weight Watchers the other night and it just really tickles me. I keep reading it. I figure it is because so many days I wonder if maybe I've eaten too many nuts so I'm becoming one!

Here are a few things that sometimes make me nutty!

The way our kids behave doesn't make sense if I let myself forget what I've learned about it. If I take a moment to stop and look under the behavior I "remember".

People come up and say "Bear was so helpful. He is so kind. What a great kid." As we get in the car he says "You are such a jerk" to me because I asked him stop a behavior. I feel resentful that people don't understand. Then I think "How can they?" and I remember that what they saw is how I want him to act all the I'm glad they saw that in him. Was it manipulative? Probably not, he just didn't feel threatened by them because they are not trying to love him. So it is great he is sometimes successful.

I wake up to a list of complaints about what we are having for breakfast, how he feels, what Taz is doing and what he is wearing. I think "How am I going to get through this next hour in a way that is loving and kind?" and I often fail.

I try to have a conversation with Bear about the simplest thing and it is twisted and turned until he is angry and I am baffled about what just happened and how on earth we just got to that point.

My daughter was talking about a small problem last night and I told her that women often don't stop to take time for themselves. Men generally don't have this problem. Why is that? I have no idea. I don't think God expects this of us. Yes, we are to live lives of love and service, but even the donkey gets a nap, a bail of hay and a nice pat on the head now and then.

So NOOOOOO. We are not nuts. We are taking care of children with special needs. They are children with wounded hearts living the only way they know how.

Take care of your spiritual, physical, and emotional needs so you can take care of others. You are what you eat ~ spiritually, physically and emotionally!! Take care of the mama!


Isaiah 43 said...

How I feel your words! RAD is not fun. The only way I get through is realizing that I have it, too---I keep myself unattached to God---just when I need Him most! Why do I have to run from my Father who loves me most?
Thank you for your words!

BT said...

I needed this post today. It may be the thing that gets me through the upcoming weekend. Thank you.

Mom 4 Kids said...

I loved the humor in this post title and picture! The points you made are so true too. This has been the most hurtful part of my daughter's RAD, for me. Over the years I "get it" more than I did before and so I too try to look at it as that's the real her that other people get to see. In her healing I get to see that person sometime too.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Brenda said...

Isaiah 43~What a deep thought "I keep myself unattached to God" I am going to have to do some thinking on that today.

BT~ I hope you can find some joy in your weekend. Go get one of those yummy seasonal latte's. I had a pumpkin spice latte the other day. I went skinny decalf but I'm still dreaming about it.

Mom 4 Kids~No matter hom many times I say "Don't take it personally." to myself I catch myself doing it anyway. I think it is our first gut response. As time goes by it happens less often but it still does happen. I know what you mean about seeing them in their healing. Taz is an absolute delight when he is moving forward. I love being around him then.

peggysue said...

Certain parts of your posts leap out at me . . .I don't get the overt, 'you're a jerk' comments, but more subtle deriding of my intelligence, competence, etc. And the conversations . . .they drive me batty! A simple, 'how was school today? what did you do?' twists and convolutes until I give it up and walk away. I've wondered if it is deliberate obfuscation and I believe it is, because to give out information means to lose control and power and to have an interactive conversation means moving a step closer in a relationship. As I said before, we've made great strides in just the past six months, but there are days when yes, I am that cartoon and convinced I am going nuts!

Thank you so much for your refreshing honesty and your genuineness in sharing all this instead of just plastering the socially acceptable fake smile on your face and saying, "Life here is perfect! We're all doing great!!!" It helps soooooo much!

Brenda said...

Oooohhhhh Peggy Sue~ You just told me what I want to right about next. THANKS!

Life's Mom said...

I just got home from a conference with Life's teachers, aides and principal. Life is different in that she dishes it out to everyone, not just me. (She kicked the aide yesterday.) While I get a lot of empathy from others, I would love to have someone see what a delightful child she can be. I just keep reminding myself that there is progress.

And this mama it going on vacation for a few days with hubby. Whoohoo! This is our first trip away since Life came over a year ago. Please keep my respite worker and dear friend in your prayers. Since Life is Disinhibited, she does a little better going with other people. She is excited for her own little vacation. I was starting to feel guilty for leaving her, so thank you Brenda for the reminder to take care of me too.

Brenda said...

Life's Mom,

Don't you feel a bit guilty. Taking care of your marriage is important in helping you take care of your child! Have a GREAT time! I'll pray for the respite worker and for Life while you are gone. I'm sure they will get by. Usually when my husband and I go on a trip the kids are ok while we are gone. It is when we get back that we pay. I always just tell myself to plan on it. It is necessary to get away and it is worth the emotional cost when I get back.

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I needed this post today. It looks like I've joined you in the "families that are not good enough" category. One of my kids announced today that he wants out of our family and preferred his former life of living in a group home to living with us. I feel so loved and respected-not! All of this because he had to do a chore and follow a family rule. It's hard not to take this kind of rejection personally when we spend so much of our lives loving and caring for our children and they turn and say they hate us (yup, he said that, too). Thus, the need for breaks is even more imminent. I'm taking alot of them lately. Thanks for sharing about your situation. It helps to know we are not alone.

Brenda said...


I'm sorry for your morning. I made the boys gingerbread pancakes. I discovered Super Target has the yummiest pancake mixes! Taz was yelling at me, then getting in Bears face and then yelling at Fish. I sent him out to rake with dad for awhile until he pulls himself together. Raking seems to really calm him and always has. The repetitive motion I guess. He actually seems to enjoy it and asks to do it.

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

I wish we had leaves here in Florida. LOL. Now, what equivalent thing can I come up with? Laundry? Sweeping the porch and sidewalk? I'll find something. I need to find something fun to do today. The rest of us need a break. LOL.

Brenda said...

Hmmmm. It is the motion he seems to like. Want me to send you a bag of leaves to dump on your lawn? The neighbors would sure wonder.

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

That would be great! I could use the laugh. I wonder how much it costs to send something that weighs nothing through the mail??? I will have to ask the postman (hubby). LOL. Ok, I've cracked up now. Shhh. The men in the white coats are coming to put me in the little jacket with extra, extra long sleeves so I can hug myself more,hehehehee. HeeLLLP! Jk. Thanks for the laugh.

Brenda said...

All that sunshine and warm air is getting to you. : )