Friday, September 11, 2009

Sharpening the Claws

This morning I could hear the cat sharpening its claws on the bed frame. It has no front claws. Bear is often sharpening his front claws. It is in his brain that he must defend himself. It is deep within. He must protect. He must always be on the look out. He must never let down his guard. I see it in little statements that slip out.

"I was afraid you were not going to come and get me."
"I thought you might be in a car accident."
"I am looking out the front window to keep us safe."

I see it in his behavior. He is watching other people instead of what he should be doing. He thinks innocent statements are a verbal attack. He is protective of his desk space, foot space, but invades others personal space. He worries about his health and is sure each injury is oh so serious. If he is going some place later in the day he walks out and checks every few minutes to make sure he has not been left.

It must be hard to be so scared.


Brenda said...

I see so much of this with my new DD. You are so right that it must be so hard to be so scared all of the time. If only we could make them see their safety so thoroughly as they do their fears.

Mom 4 Kids said...

This post title caught my attention. And the post sounds so much like my daughter's behaviors. She does seem to be healing ever so slowly. Every change sets her back, like the new school year starting. It is just nice to hear other parents verbalize what we and our kids live daily that most people don't see or understand. Thanks!

Miz Kizzle said...

He's what, fifteen? Does he have an anxiety disorder?

Brenda said...

Miz Kizzle,

Thanks for coming! Bear is 17. He has Reactive Attachment Disorder. It is a pervasive disorder that is developed due to a break in attachment during the first 3 years of life from the main caregiver. It changes how the brain works. While difficult to treat healing can take place if treatment begins early enough. Bear has been difficult to treat partially due to age, partially due to underlying issues such as possible mild depression and sensory integration disfunction. While 17 is old for a child, it is young in life. We believe change will happen when he is ready.

matryoshka said...

I was thinking the other day about the level of fear Jupiter lives with on a daily basis as we've worked through adjustments of the first week of school. I don't think her teacher understands all the technical aspects of why she gets so worried and anxious, but she allows us the flexibility to support Jupiter as necessary so she can be successful. I haden't fully realized until this week that especially in the new school, every interaction she has with every adult in that building has either a positive or negative affect on her ability to feel safe at school. Every. Single. One. And then there are the interactions she sees between the OTHER kids and the adults.

Brenda said...


Oh I so agree. I think they are constantly watching. Constantly analying the safety of the situation, on the look out for danger in each person.