One of the phrases that has been very helpful to us is "Use your words." When our kids are acting out in anger. I ask them to look under the anger and see if they think it might be sadness or fear. Of course most of the time they say neither one but there are times when a look of realization comes across their face and something big comes out.
"I'm stronger than your fear." is another phrase. You can sub in anger or sadness for the word fear. When they are having a rage calmly saying these words can be very reassuring to them.
"I will love you know matter what." "I will never leave you." are obvious words but ones I am still reassuring them with almost 11 years later.
"I like hanging out with you." Very few people enjoy their company. They need to hear that.
"I believe you can do it." "I know you love me as best you can." "Everything is going to be OK."
Fill your word arsenal with positive loving affirmations.
"You are created in the image of God." "God has a purpose for your life." "You were created for a purpose." "I'm so glad God made me your mom."
Fill up their empty little hearts daily.
In case you are wondering I am in the hospital caf while my husband has surgery. He should be out in about a half hour. Thank you so much for your prayers.