Monday, June 29, 2009

Use Your Words

One of the phrases that has been very helpful to us is "Use your words." When our kids are acting out in anger. I ask them to look under the anger and see if they think it might be sadness or fear. Of course most of the time they say neither one but there are times when a look of realization comes across their face and something big comes out.

"I'm stronger than your fear." is another phrase. You can sub in anger or sadness for the word fear. When they are having a rage calmly saying these words can be very reassuring to them.

"I will love you know matter what." "I will never leave you." are obvious words but ones I am still reassuring them with almost 11 years later.

"I like hanging out with you." Very few people enjoy their company. They need to hear that.

"I believe you can do it." "I know you love me as best you can." "Everything is going to be OK."

Fill your word arsenal with positive loving affirmations.

"You are created in the image of God." "God has a purpose for your life." "You were created for a purpose." "I'm so glad God made me your mom."

Fill up their empty little hearts daily.

In case you are wondering I am in the hospital caf while my husband has surgery. He should be out in about a half hour. Thank you so much for your prayers.


familygregg said...

Was just checking in on your hubby.

peggysue said...

I have to admit my DH is better at those affirming phrases than I am. I still find myself frustrated by the exterior behavior and responses and am not always 'adult' enough to look at the interior cause. I know if I move forward, she pushes me back much more than anyone else in the family because I represent the mom who abandoned her, so she pre-rejects me so as not to get hurt herself . . .intellectually I 'get' that but emotionally (toss PMS in there and boy, you've got a great stew going) I do get tired of the daily battle sometimes.

matryoshka said...

been there..peggysue..been there.

I try to connect Jupiter to her feelings by asking what she feels in her heart as just asking how she feels is way to broad and she can't process it. We work on empathy by talking about what other people might feel in their heart when we do something unfriendly or hurtful.

Brenda said...

Peggy Sue,

I fail often. It helps when I thin "Do therapeutic parenting". I intentionally become "professional". It helps me stop looking at my feelings and start looking at what theres are.

peggysue said...

Brenda that is a phrase I've never heard before, therapeutic parenting. I will remember that. My friends and my DH remind me that love is not really an emotion anyway, it is an act of the will, a decision, a daily choice. And like I said, :) PMS always makes it worse! Thankfully it only comes once a month.