Saturday, February 14, 2009

RAD fear

We went to Fish's swim meet today. He did well. He actually broke the conference record in the 500 yd freestyle. He can swim it in 4 minutes and something seconds. It literally would take me about 20 minutes. Oh well.

I woke up with a serious sinus headache this morning. I don't know if any of you have been to an indoor swim meet but it is hot, humid and loud. In between his events I told my husband I was going to go out for awhile. I walked through their high school cafeteria to a small eating room on the back, sat down in the corner with a bottle of Diet Coke and sat back and closed my eyes for awhile. I was in a very secluded spot. After about a half hour who should come walking in and looking around but Taz. He and Bear had been wandering through the school looking for me. I walked back to the swim meet and the lady in front of us said "they were so worried about where you were." The fear they have over my absence has always amazed me. I don't think I come close to understanding the level of fear in which they live. They so need comforting. They are 14 and 16. I hear the clock ticking for the time we have left with Bear. I hope he can find some calm and trust during the next couple of years. Prayer, empathy (understand they are so afraid), gentle touch and loving eyes. Look under the angry behaviors at the scared little child deep inside.

2 comments:

MatthewS said...

I understand the hyper-vigilance you experienced today. It is astonishing how defensive and how desperate RAD kids can be, all at once. Most people don't really understand RAD behaviour-I wrote a blog post recently on these behaviours and how others perceive them.

Our kids are threatened by the idea of giving back. They don't know how to give back.

http://traumaadoption.org/adopt/content/friends-and-family-do-they-understand

Brenda said...

Well said Matthew! Taz is giving back as he is healing and that is a wonderful thing to watch. Bear will sometimes do things for us but he gives this very stern, parental "Now say thank you" attitude when he does it. It some how seems to be about him.