Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm trying

I believe that Bear really does believe in his mind that he is trying. He believes he loves his family very much. He believes that if there is any problem we are the ones who have it. Part of Attachment Therapy is working on these faulty beliefs and developing healthy ones. He hasn't even begun to grasp the concept of what he needs to change at this point. Part of this is due to other diagnosis which really do interfere.

Bear: I'm trying to show love Mom.

Me: Good. Tell me one of the things you have done to show love?

Bear: There are so many I can't name them all. You just confuse me when you start asking a bunch of questions.

Me:Here are some things I have done to show love: I played a game with you. I took you to the Y to work out with me (he likes the opportunity to flex muscles at 16) , I baked you some cookies, I emailed your teacher to find out what we can do to help with your grades.

Bear: Well I have done WAY more than that.

Me: Bear, you love with unhealthy love. It worries about getting its fair share. It doesn't trust. It dwells on bad things from the past. Watch me and how I love our family so you can learn healthy love.

Obviously there is no easy answer with RAD. I do believe Bear loves as best he can at the moment. We have to hope that if we keep nurturing, using love & logic parenting, and praying that little by little they are going to get the hang of this love thing. Have a healing day.

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.


familygregg said...

Thank you for reminding me.

Suzie said...

"I believe that Bear really does believe in his mind that he is trying."

Thank you for this important statement. Because his trying might be like and iceberg: only 1/7 of it will become visible, and it might even take a long, long time.

But while people around him do not see much, whole underwater-landscapes of healing and filling in holes from the past and restructuring might take place... And perhaps you will not even be the first to see it, but the old lady he will help carry her shopping-bag...

I quote you: Never, never quit.

Suzie said...

"it keeps no record of wrongs."

I think that is a really tough one. It is not easy to start all over again with a clean slate when you were so angry yesterday and the day before, etc...