Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Explosive Child

This is for those who may be searching. The Googlers out there looking for answers. I don't have all the answers but maybe I can help aim you in the right direction. Maybe. I am not a Psychologist so I cannot diagnose. I can describe what our children were like and you can decide for yourself.

When our children came Bear was quiet, developmentally delayed, lying, sneaky and....6.

Bear was wild, uncontrollable, angry, extremely affectionate to strangers and ....3.

I did a variety of attachment parenting behaviors I read in the Nancy Thomas books. Thank goodness for that woman. If I had not done those things from the get go I don't know where I'd be now.

As Bear has grown his behaviors and actions stayed at about age 4. They may have moved up to about 6 now. I'm talking about his lack of common sense, lack of reason, logic. The things he says. I hope this doesn't sound mean. I am trying to be honest so I can help other hurting moms. I was a hurting mom.

Taz became increasingly explosive, defiant, destructive. By second grade he was frightening. During this time we took them to a variety of therapists, psychologist and doctors. We tried herbals, we tried every medication and nothing seemed to make a difference in their behavior. We prayed over their behavior and asked others to do the same. We would wake up at night to the sounds of Taz kicking his furniture apart or tearing the woodwork from his walls. He completely demolished his room. We took everything out but the bead. He tore down the rods and shelves in his closet. We put the clothes in laundry baskets which he destroyed. The therapists said we were good parents, they would come around, be more positive, be more strict, do sticker charts, establish reward systems (I am a positive parent and my kids are rewarded). Set boundaries (We have more boundaries than Cuba) . Nothing made a difference. The last one told me to put them in after school care so I could get away from them. Yeah. That's helpful.

We finally found an attachment therapist who described their behaviors to a T over the phone too me. That was the beginning of change. It was the beginning of change in me and the beginning of change in Taz. It also has given Bear an understanding of himself. He knows in his head what has happened and why he has these feelings. He has not acted on it yet. I don't know if he will.

If your child is having explosive behavior and no medication has helped. If he has been diagnosed bipolar, ADHD, ODD or intermittent explosive disorder and they had early childhood trauma you may want to have them seen by an Attachment Therapist for an assessment. The disorders have such overlapping symptoms that it is difficult for a mama to diagnose. There is hope. Never, never, never quit.


Lisa said...

Well said, Brenda. Thanks for always being there.

Rick said...

You're a hero Bren. You give people hope and that is a very good thing. (had to say something nice after reading that post).

Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice. Can't we just get along with you coffee drinkers?

Brenda said...

Awww. Thanks Rick

truevyne said...

Last year the pieces to our 12 now 13 year old puzzle started falling into place after another adoptive mother suggested saw RAD written all over our son at first meeting. I started research, and I was so thankful for that mom's frankness. I didn't understand that therapists actually work for both children AND parents. If not, fire them.