Monday, January 12, 2009

Loving your Marriage Relationship

We are back~We had a glorious time, 7 days in Antigua celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. I have more photos then even the best friend would want to see so I won't bore you with them all but will post one now and then.

Our trip gave me much time sitting or walking on the beach and allowing for reflextion. I like to ask myself often what I am doing in my life that I feel good about, what would make our schedule run more smoothly what would make relationships more closely knit. One of the things I will be doing is blogging probably twice a week instead of every day. I would really like for my posts to be meaty information that will be valuable to you as moms and dads of kids with RAD. Any topics of interest to you are of interest to me so please feel free to let me know if you'd like a certain issue to be discussed.
Marriage.
Of course, we also had much time to spend alone as a couple. This particular Sandals we stayed at is for Couples Only and is really geared for romance. They do a great job. Maybe you are not at a point in your life where you can take off for any place for a week. That is OK. Work with your schedule and what you CAN do. Never focus on what you cannot do. It only discourages you. Here are a few ideas I have for keeping your marriage a priority. It is easy when you have kids who demand your time and attention, add in some triangulation, and your marriage can suffer. Here we go:
Free:
A quick phone call during the day.
A note.
Attend church together.
Pick one show to watch together without the kids each week. For us, it is Seinfeld.
Do a chore the other person normally does without being asked.
Back or foot rub.
Call and ask if there is anything that your spouse would like for you to do for them today.
Go for a walk.
Send a free e-card. http://www.hallmark.com/
Pray together.
Have a devotional time together.
Cheap:
Drop off his favorite snack at his office.
Run out for ice cream, pop or coffee.
Buy him a card
Go to the dollar movies.
Meet for lunch during the day.
Rent a DVD to watch without kids. It does not have to involve The Wiggles or Scooby Doo.
Treats:
Learn a new hobby neither one of you has tried. We play golf about once each spring and fall. We stink. We don't keep score. We pick up the ball and throw it out of hard places. We bring along a sack lunch and have a picnic.

Plan a date night and get a sitter. We have friends we trade with.
Leave the kids with friends or grandparents and go away for a night or weekend.
Get a massage at a spa together.
Surprise him with tickets to an event he enjoys that you normally don't go too. Chris enjoys hockey tickets. I don't but I remind myself it is for him.

Our kids with RAD were taught an incorrect definition of love. Love hurts. We can show them by example what love really is. Take care of your relationship with your spouse. Our kids are watching. As my girls have become older, they remember very little of the profound things I thought I said. They remember what I did. It is surprisingly easy to fall into our children's dysfunctional form of love instead of standing firm and displaying healthy love. Taking care of your love relationship with your spouse will keep you both happier, stronger and better parents.

Love is patient; love is kind.Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way:it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things And now faith, hope, and love abide, and the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13


5 comments:

Christine said...

Ummmmm ... are you aware that you are smokin' hot?

Just saying.

Brenda said...

Christine,

I was. Now I am Nebraska and Freezing cold ; (

Torina said...

Don't forget to add in the small stuff that makes a difference! Always hug each other when you will be away from each other, even if only for an hour...you never know if it will be your last. And never go to bed angry. Even if it takes a silly joke while laying on top of the other person while covering their eyelids in kisses :) No argument is worth being angry over night. Sleep is too precious to waste.

Brie said...

glad you had such a relaxing vacation! i adore Sandals - we went to one in Jamaica last year for our honeymoon! i hope it has given you new energy to tackle RAD!

Christine said...

Happy Anniversary! You have a lovely family. I look forward to reading about what you have to say about RAD.