Ch ch change

My husband hates change. He likes things to be the same: food, schedule, my hair (which I change often) clothes. I like this about him most of the time because it is calming to me. He is stable, unchanging and consistent in a world that can be unstable, always changing and inconsistent. I myself find change invigorating as long as it is positive.

Children with RAD find change terrifying. It causes explosive behavior. It feels out of control. It brings up all the feelings of abandonment. The days before our trip caused massive behavior issues in our boys. We reassured, talked, talked, and talked all we could. I found soft fuzzy foot massagers on clearance at WalMart for $3 and told them to use them while we were gone. They used them often and love them. Taz did NO school work while were gone. When our kids were younger we'd make paper chains for them for the number of days we'd be gone. They could tear one off each day. After we left I heard the idea of laminating a map and giving them our itinerary so they can track where we are. The care giver can give them caramels or ice cream each day and say it is was left by mom with love.

Usually when we get home from a trip there is pay back. They are angry with us for leaving and let it all out. Interestingly enough Bear, who had only begun healing right before we left has not done this. We bought him a rock turtle as a souvenir which he loves and carries around. He is calmed by our return. He is still a quirky kid and will always march to the beat of a different drummer. I don't think that is going to change. Taz has been a mess...BUT on a positive note it only lasted until yesterday. Yesterday evening he sat down and did his homework. He came and sat near me to read afterwards. He hugged me good night. So we have much to appreciate even in the midst of the explosions. I found a huge amount of food containers hidden under Taz's bed so he really ate his feelings while we were gone. It is easier to parent them if we remember the reason they are doing these behaviors is not because they are hate us or are bad people. They are so so afraid of love and trust. It is easier to mask it with anger then to show the fear. Get below the anger and talk about the fear. That is where the real feelings are. Have a healing day.