Monday, September 1, 2008
No Peace/know peace
I think fear is what keeps us from having inner peace. When our kids start raging or acting out it brings up a lot of fear in us. We begin to have fear of failure, fear of living this way for years, fear for our child's future. We also have guilt. Guilt that we cannot do therapeutic parenting all the time and lose our tempers. Guilt when we say or do the wrong thing. Do things have to be perfect in our homes for us to have peace? I don't think so or no one would have peace. For today I am going to really think about what stands in between me when I don't feel the peace. Sometimes home can be a War Zone. I think the changes in school, weather, schedules really have a lot of our kids going. It is exhausting. I got up this morning and Bear's door alarm was shut off. I know it was on when I went to bed because I remember him starting to come out and it went off so he shut the door quickly. Then I checked to see if his medicine was taken this morning and all the Lexapro has been removed from the coming days sections. I had several minutes of screaming on his part about not believing him and he knows God is not very happy with me. yada yada yada. He denies he came out of his room. Denies taking the medication from the container. It was the end of the bottle so now he is OUT. Fear causes me to want to defend myself, to prove I'm right, to want to be in control. My husband was outside washing the van. I had bear sit out on the front steps while I went for coffee with a friend. He sat there in his pajamas since he was too busy screaming to get dressed. So my goal for today is to watch for the times when I am not feeling the peace, when I become disregulated and ask myself what my fear is....This post is all very reactive. Tomorrow I am going to think about proactive ways of seeking out peace. Put on your thinking caps. You're the most brilliant women I know!