Monday, September 1, 2008

No Peace/know peace

I think fear is what keeps us from having inner peace. When our kids start raging or acting out it brings up a lot of fear in us. We begin to have fear of failure, fear of living this way for years, fear for our child's future. We also have guilt. Guilt that we cannot do therapeutic parenting all the time and lose our tempers. Guilt when we say or do the wrong thing. Do things have to be perfect in our homes for us to have peace? I don't think so or no one would have peace. For today I am going to really think about what stands in between me when I don't feel the peace. Sometimes home can be a War Zone. I think the changes in school, weather, schedules really have a lot of our kids going. It is exhausting. I got up this morning and Bear's door alarm was shut off. I know it was on when I went to bed because I remember him starting to come out and it went off so he shut the door quickly. Then I checked to see if his medicine was taken this morning and all the Lexapro has been removed from the coming days sections. I had several minutes of screaming on his part about not believing him and he knows God is not very happy with me. yada yada yada. He denies he came out of his room. Denies taking the medication from the container. It was the end of the bottle so now he is OUT. Fear causes me to want to defend myself, to prove I'm right, to want to be in control. My husband was outside washing the van. I had bear sit out on the front steps while I went for coffee with a friend. He sat there in his pajamas since he was too busy screaming to get dressed. So my goal for today is to watch for the times when I am not feeling the peace, when I become disregulated and ask myself what my fear is....This post is all very reactive. Tomorrow I am going to think about proactive ways of seeking out peace. Put on your thinking caps. You're the most brilliant women I know!

6 comments:

Bren said...

Here is what I believe....there has to be a way to have peace even in the midst of all the chaos. During times where peace is not present in the outside apperance, it CAN be present on the inside. In that place that only God can touch. It is about faith...faith that releases peace. A peace that passeth all understanding. How awesome to have a sense of peace when a teen boy is screaming at you and there is medication missing and alarms turned off, and trust in your own child is non existant. Now we need to get to that place where peace reigns even in the midst of a hurricane named RAD. I think it comes from spending time with God daily. Building our self up in His Word, His music, His presence. In my search for wisdom, I came across these verses in James 3:15-17...

15This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.

16For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

17But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

verse 16 sounds alot like what we live with everyday. verse 17 says wisdom from above is pure and "peaceable"...full of mercy...without partiality and hypocrisy. Those all sound like complete opposites of what most parents with RAD kids possess. Their behaviors make us the opposite. There is a key there...peace is found in wisdom. Wisdom that is from above...not the wisdom that is earthly. I am still figuring this out. Any ideas???

Brenda said...

Bren,

I agree. This is some of what I am writing about tomorrow. I guess today I was just exploring the feelings that keep us from feeling the peace. This is good!

Christine said...

I simply forget that our kids are in fear. It's so hard to remember ... that there really is fear - actual fear - behind the behavior.

When I forget that there is fear, my sympathy and peace and reasoning fly out the window.

My husband and I watched "Reign Over Me" this weekend. As I sat, crying, as a grown man tried so desperately NOT to remember the pain of losing his family in 9/11 ... I started to cry for my kids.

They are terrified. They are in so much pain. They are desensitized to the good and the pure and the holy, and yet their hearts and minds are exploding with the fear and the trauma.

I have an old bracelet from some Southern Baptist thing years ago, that says, "Lest we forget ..." They were created for people to wear to remember the widows of ministers, and to care for them. Well, my bracelet has a new meaning for me this week. I'm wearing it every day. I may have to dangle it from my forehead.

When I remember, God can move me forward into peace and understanding. When I can't bring myself to remember, I have built a big, fat wall ... God's on the other side whistling and saying, "Um ... yoo! hoo! You, over there. Your kids need you. I've got some ideas that will work ... hellllooooooo?"

CJ Merrell said...

Here are some ways I find peace on a budget!
I journal, workout, review BCI stuff all the time, constantly challenge my fears, work to keep my body at a place to respond through massage therapy, Metagenics Omega 3 Fish Oil supplements, also I get adjustments by my chiro-neurologist. This has been a new thing and made a big difference in helping my body. I also blog, take prayer times, spend time with my friends, go on short budget trips, take a date night at least once a month. God continues to sustain me amidst the chaos and pain. I hope this helps. I'm wanting to join a support group for parents, but there aren't any in my area. I might start one pretty soon.

Melissa said...

For me, in this last week, these are the verses. Phil 4:11-13 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have penty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." That word "content" - that is what God is showing me. I don't mean "content" as in I'll stop trying to help my Radish. But content in that for today, this is how it is and I can have peace through it all - that peace of God which transcends all understanding. Phil 4:7 And you know what? I'm getting that peace - little whisps of it and big amounts of it - peace that makes me cry with gratitude.

Lexapro Side Effects said...

My name is Bob Lane and i would like to show you my personal experience with Lexapro.

I am 51 years old. Have been on Lexapro for 6 months now. Wasn't strong enough for me. Had only mild benefit for depression. For five of the six months I was on it, it worked very well for social anxiety, but kinda pooped out toward the end. Added Wellbutrin at varying doses to address the sleepiness and libido/orgasm issues, but still suffered. Then tried Cymbalta with disasterous results. Might try Zoloft now.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
Extreme sleepiness. When possible, I slept for 12-16 hours a day for the entire six months I took Lexapro. Marked decrease in libido. Completely anorgasmic. Other side effects were mild or non-existent.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Bob Lane