Yesterday morning in the car we had this conversation....
Me: Bear how do you think I feel about you?
Bear: How should I know?
Me: Because I tell you every day.
Bear: You think I'm sad, mad and afraid.
Me: No (those are not how I feel about him. Those are feelings I think he has but I didn't go into it) I love you and I think you are going to be happy and feel loved. I'm so glad God made me your mom.
This was after much manipulation and effort on his part to draw me into a fight. I find stopping and working on becoming attuned to them is so effective in those moments. Think of how you feel if you are talking to a spouse or a friend and you know they are not listening. Completely tuned out. Think of how you feel when they look you in the eye and you know you have their full attention and caring. The difference is our kids are so scared that they prefer keeping us at a distance. The weekend is coming Bear is having increasingly difficult days. I am going to work hard on being attuned to the "real" him down deep inside. The one I know is in there huddled in fear. Soft eye contact, gentle touch and a soft voice. It takes hard work and practice but we can do it!