Friday, August 29, 2008

Love/Hate

I'm going to say it out loud. Sometimes I hate this child. That is a horrible thing for a mother to say. Deep down I always have love for this child. He is mean, destructive, offensive, gross, constantly gives me dirty looks and horrid remarks. So how do I parent him? That is tough. We all know it. It is easier to just send him from the room or leave the room myself.

Parenting has to sometimes be a head decision and not always a heart decision. The committment is obviously there. I have had many people tell me that they would have sent him away long ago. If you have sent a child to residential do not get me wrong. I KNOW there are times it must be done. It would be a difficult and heart wrenching thing to do but there are times when parents must do this. He has behaviors that are not quite enough to go there. If I ever felt one of us was in danger he would go. He has had a very rough morning. He didn't want to take his medicine. He has suddenly decided it makes him dizzy. He doesn't complain about this at any other time. He is fine doing sports, eating, walking through the halls. But when he is at home he decides to choose this battle. He spit the medicine on the floor, he hid it in his hand. I finally got him to take it. He is 16. I'm not sure how much difference the medication is making so I probably will let him cut it out rather than battle every morning and see how it goes. I still managed a coupld of "I love yous". When he had me do his brushing for SID on his back I said "Sure I'll do anything for you". He still walked out the door without saying a word. Some days we do the right thing because it is the right thing. We must trust and have faith that God is working in this child's life. He will give us the strength to handle this correctly not based on our emotions of the moment but because it is right. Stand strong today. Do what is right even if the feelings scream something else.

9 comments:

Lisa said...

Sending you a hug {{{{{Brenda}}}}}.
I know what you mean. I love J but some days are excruciating. Head decisions are hard too.

familygregg said...

I hate that love doesn't always come naturally w/ our kids....the feelings I mean. It stinks. It's one of my life's greatest losses. Lifting you today in prayer.

Christine said...

One of my RADishes had a birthday this week.

So, of course, my starting-to-heal-slightly RADish gave us all a big, fat rage for his sister's b-day (he has been raging only every 10 days, but moved it up a day for the special occasion - wasn't that sweet of him - and painfully predictable?). His sister is still giving us a big, fat week of hell for her b-day.

I just got my hair done and am thinking of getting sloppy drunk for her b-day.

It has been soooooooooooooo hard to not be sarcastic this week. She will breeze through mental math (100+10-9), and then sit for seven hours, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT 20 + 7 is!!! Whhaaaaaaaahhhh! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!!!"

This morning I took a deep breath, and said, "Honey, it's okay. I know you're not strong enough to say the words, and that's okay too. If this math is too hard for you, then it's stressing you out. We homeschool. I can just move you back a grade in math. Actually, if any of it is just too much, and you can't enjoy learning - it's no big deal! We just move you back. It won't upset me at all. It will cost a little extra money, but it's worth it. You need to be on the grade level that is perfect for YOU!"

ZOOOOOOOOOOM! And the entire worksheet was done, perfectly, excellent handwriting, with absolutely. no. errors.

But what I WANTED to say was, "Ahhhh ... poor BABY! Can't add seven digits. Well, that's good to know. I can give you all I want in your allowance, and you won't know the difference! SWEET!" Oh, I could go on for days.

But I kept my sarcasm to myself. I save it for YOU! ha!

Today I'm really, really pissy,and I want to scream. My poor husband has also crossed me. I'm sure this is PMS week, to throw in for good measure.

I need to do some strong sitting ...


... in a hot tub somewhere far, far away!!

Lisa said...

That Christine gets me every time. Sitting in my office laughing hysterically! Yep! What she said!

Brenda said...

I just went and swam a mile. It does amazing things to my mentality. It is silent,rhythmic and takes a ton out of me. Thanks for your kind words. It has been a week of phone calls from school and of yelling by him. We will get through this, I know. It helps to have those who truly understand to talk too. THANK YOU. And by the way, all sarcasm is welcome and encouraged here. Its a good place to release it without hurting anyone. Christine, run away to Nebraska for a few days! Hmmmm. We should meet up in KS some time.

Christine said...

I spoke too soon.

I just let my sarcasm get the best of me. It did finally throw dd9 into one of her regressive crying fits - her version of a rage (probably what she has needed - she has been on the cusp of one all week but has yet to let it out).

I've now put myself in a time-out at my laptop, pretending that her fit is not bothering me in the least. Pretending that I'm watching a movie that is making me laugh. Realizing that I have to train more people for respite care - NOW - because there's no one I could call last minute to just "babysit" tonight, like the good old days. Yeah, I'll just put some high school girl in the middle of this mess. THAT would be a brilliant idea. I'm getting creative ... maybe we could get the kids all in bed and THEN have a gal come over to just sit and watch TV, while our kids sleep ... and I pick up take out and hubby and I spend a few hours at the Comfort Inn.

My husband is sitting down to play a video game with ds12 (they play each other online, on separate computers). Husband just asked, "Hey do we want to kill each other, or not?" "Yeah. Kill each other."

heh. heh. Oh, the irony.

Brenda said...

The irony....I wish you could find a way to go out. The good thing about going to college is that I do all my homework in the mornings on school days. I run errands and work out in the afternoon. I actually look forward to spending time cleaning house and just hanging out this weekend. I'm sure by Tuesday Bear will have me ready to pull the curtains off the wall. This is, however, the last weekend the pool is open. I can send them one at a time and they do fine. Just not together. I'll probably give Taz Saturday and Bear Sunday afternoon.

Renee said...

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) Been there, felt like crap, don't ever want to go there again. Know I will anyways.

Anonymous said...

I am right there. PMS week, and I even don't like my husband. Sometimes I get jealous of him, because he doesn't get the crap from the kids that I do. It gets old. Then, I feel like maybe he even thinks that I'm the problem and not the kids.

How do you get out of those days when you just want to scream at them and not show love at all? I don't even want to love them right now. I just want them to go away.