Sunday, August 24, 2008
I think the one thing I like about the approach for Beyond Consequences the most is the assumptions. It is so easy to assume our child means something negative, sarcastic or is being manipulative. They don't hug. If we hug them it is like hugging a tree. So when they suddenly want to be hugged and say "I love you". It is easy to think "What does he want or who is watching?" BC teaches to assume it is because they are having an I love you moment and accept it lovingly. When I put up the Wall of Gratitude board for our frig Bear has written one time: School and being adopted by a good family. That was the day he cried and said he was being threatened at school and was afraid to go. So my first reaction is "If he is terrified to go to school, why did he write school and what does that say about our family?" Instead I need to assume he does basically like school and that he down deep is grateful for us. Raising these kids is hard. If we have to assume something why not assume they do mean the positives they say or do? It can only help our relationship with them. So that is what I am going to really work on this week. I'm going to try to not read into his words but just assume he means the best that can come of them.