Monday, July 21, 2008

Regulated/Dysregulated


I've been watching the Bryan Post DVD's courtesy of my friend Bren. THANK YOU BREN! I am half way through. The one thing that stands out so far are the terms Regulated and Dyregulated. When any individual is regulated that means their stress and fears are under control. They are calm. When a person is dysregulated their stress or fears are pretty much in charge of their emotions and actions at that point. We can see most of the time when our kids are regulated or dysregulated. Bear is regulated pretty much only when alone. Dysregulated if another person is in the room. What about parenting? How do we parent when we are regulated vs. dysregulated? If I am regulated I can address his fears, give him a hug and a loving look and speak in a calm voice. If I am dysregulated I turn into......

Ma Kettle Syndrome

All right. I confess. I made this syndrome up. Every mom I have talked to that has children with RAD has mentioned the days of feeling tired, worn out, old and mean. The sweats and sweatshirts come out. Fixing the hair and applying make up stop. It happens to all of us when we feel defeated. Don't believe this about yourself. Give yourself the things you need to feel better. Don't buy into the RAD lies about who you are. You are smart. You are going to make great decisions about your child's treatment. You are strong. You are worth the time and effort. The things your child with RAD are saying about you and to you are because he is sick. They are not true.

4 comments:

Christine said...

I have really pulled a lot from Post's stuff (I read Beyond Consequences). Ds12 struggles the most with his anger (fear), and can become regulated much faster when I focus on my own regulation, how I approach him, etc. Post's approach has brought him the most perceived safety.

When he is regulated and calm, I explain to him that I will always be in the room with him, and I will make sure that he can see me - but I won't get close, and I will not talk to him or touch him while he is extremely angry. However, (and I make this point over and over and over again) he deserves to feel safe, and while I need to be present with him, I want him to know right where I am and that he doesn't have to worry about me. I tell him that I will always put my body lower than his, so that I don't bring any more stress to him.

I spend a lot of time laying down - staring at the carpet or the ceiling.

Boy, do I need to vacuum more!

Brenda said...

You should get one of those robo vacuum thingies. Could be enteratining while you are down there. Thanks for sharing this. I am still learning the BC stuff.

Tami Boesiger said...

Were you ever a cheerleader?!

Brenda said...

Tami,

Not me. No way.