Thursday, July 24, 2008

Baking Buddies

Having siblings living in the same home with RAD is really tough. They feed off each others negative energy. In fact, Taz has done some great healing but the one time when he really reverts back is when he is alone with Bear. The rule is they are not to be alone in a room together. They are like magnets pulling together. They seek each other out. I think some of this is from the adrenalin rush they feel when they are interacting. I think they get the comfort of earlier homes when they are together even though that feeling was chaos. The worst is the car. I've done many things to try and repair or improve their relationship all of which have fallen flat. The other morning I was making cookies for someone at church that had surgery. It dawned on me that I have done very little baking since I started Weight Watchers. I was thinking that was about 3 years ago. I looked through my little Weight Watcher records and low and behold it was 2002!! My children have such emotional ties to food. It is something they really get excited about. They will refuse to talk to me all day unless I am cooking and then suddenly I am interesting. They sometimes refuse to eat. Other times they seem to not know if they are full and seriously over eat. I think it will be a problem for them when they are my age unless they get it figured out. Food is the one thing that was always there for them to comfort them. When we talked about motherhood and emotions in therapy food was often brought up. So I decided Taz and Bear are now in charge of family deserts. I baked cookies with the 2 of them, keeping them very busy and assigned tasks. They were very proud of their work. Someone just ate the last cookie so I need to bake with them again tonight. Sunday we are baking a cake. They may never be best friends but maybe this will at least give them one fond feeling for the other. Maybe. I never know until I try!


Zen Master said...

This is something we just started doing last week, 4 batches of cookies and one cake later it will be something that we continue to do because they are so proud of the result and willing to share.

My husband and I are at a loss when it comes to separating them. We have three bedrooms for 5 kids and the girls have to share. It's a nightmare. We try not to have them together. I've gone as far as to hang shower curtains to divide one of the rooms. They just go at each other constantly.

Food is huge here too. They can't get enough. I've regressed two of my kids and we are feeding them like they are babies. It actually seems to make a difference for them. I'm hoping they can sort out their food issues too.

Brenda said...

Wow! You are living my life. I do have to say that we have been so fortunate as to add 2 bedrooms in the basement. We started off with all 3 boys in one of those twin bed with full on the bottom and twin on top. Was that ever a mistake. We moved one son out into his own room and the twins stayed together until this last winter. Our oldest doesn't get home much and is graduating from college in December so will actually move....somewhere! So now for the first time they are separated at night. That is huge. Do you live in an area that has basements? I think the food has always been such a comfort for them. They are going to have to feel the comfort coming from relationships to replace it. I'm glad to hear you enjoy the baking too.

Zen Master said...

No we don't have a basement, I don't think any of the houses out here do. My other problem is that my husband is a quadriplegic so I have to have a one story that is accessible to him because I definitely can't afford an elevator. lol

I don't trust that I could have them all alone on a second level either. I'm not sure what I am going to do about that.

I can tell food is a comfort for mine. That's when they are the happiest. I remember when they first came before I knew about their disorders,I couldn't stand to watch the youngest eat because it was gross. I could see his joy but ewww!

I worry about the relationship thing too though. Their mother filled her void with their father even though it was a very bad situation. It took him murdering the baby and losing all of her children to separate her from him but she's found a replacement. I can see the girls are looking for boys to validate them.

So many things to worry about...

Brenda said...

You really do have a lot of worries. I do think about my boys turning to girls to meet the unmet needs from bmom. I hope they build a strong enough relationship with me they won't need for the food. It can be an emotional battle for everyone. I cannot imagine how strong it is for them. We baked again last night.

Renee said...

This is a therapy I can get behind totally. And the side benefits are good too.

Lisa said...

I just found your blog via The Missing Piece. It is always so comforting to find another RAD mom.
Can't wait to get up to speed on your blog!