Monday, June 2, 2008

Positives - Put on Your Rose Colored Glasses

It is easy to think of the negative ways RAD has impacted our lives. The lives of our children have been changed by trauma in the early years. Their hearts heal slowly. We can let the issues of RAD weigh us down and make us feel we have sunk to the bottom of the ocean if we allow this to happen. First of all, we must separate the issues from the child. RAD is not who they are. Inside there is a loving, talented sweet person wanting out of this horrible disorder. But they cannot find the way out. We have to show them. But the path they must take is terrifying to them. Picture yourself in a dark and frightening maze. A very scary person is trying to lead you out of the maze, the whole while saying "Trust me. I am safe." How many of us would say "Sure thing" and walk on with this person? It must be horrible for them.

Today I want to focus on the positives that have come into my life personally because of my children with RAD. 1) I have taken a closer look at myself. I have dealt with issues of sadness and fear from my past that could have hung on my whole life if it were not for the boys. 2) Tonight I begin my first Master's class in Counseling. I consider it the first step toward a new career I probably never would have considered if it were not for our lives over the last few years. I want to work with children and families dealing with RAD. I certainly would not have done this without them. 3) I have made new friends. Lasting friends on the Internet all over the country. I am so glad I have "met" each of you and look forward to those to come. 4) My husband and I have drawn closer together. We have become more united and supportive of each other. We have a deeper appreciation of what the other does for us.

Stop and think of some positive changes in your life. Maybe you are in the beginning stages of healing and don't have anything to say. Know the positives will come. Look for them and embrace them. They will help make you stronger. Have a healing day!


Anonymous said...

Beautiful post Brenda! Let's see...mine would be...

1) a deeper more personal relationship with God.

2) the opportunity to work through some of my childhood fears and traumas.

3) learning that love comes in many different forms and that true love is getting to know the other person well enough to understand what he/she requires (even if it doesn't look "normal" according to society's standards).

4) seeing the desires of my heart be led in a direction that they never would have gone had it not been for my child with RAD.

5) the many friendships I have acquired as well as a closer, more meaningful relationship with my husband.

Thanks for the new perspective! I've always seen the positives I guess, but funny how it seems so much easier to focus on the negatives. I really appreciate your post today!!! Have a great week!! Love you, Denise R.

Brenda said...


Those are amazing positives. Thanks for sharing them.
love you,

dawn said...

1. A strengthening of my relationship w/ the Lord.
2. A strengthening of my relationship w/ my husband.
3. A strengthening of my relationshiips w/ my kids w/out RAD.
4. Growth in worship.
5. Opportunities for repentance and forgiveness.
6. Practice in putting aside my selfishness.
7. The blessing of super intentional parenting.
8. Home-education.
9. Appreciation of the little things that I might've missed otherwise.
10. Intimacy w/ girlfriends going through the very same things.
11. Growth in compassion.
12. Growth in prayer life.

Brenda said...


Beautifully said. I love #7.


Rachelle said...

Love the picture, Good luck with your class!! You'll be a great counselor!

Coffee Bean said...

You know, much of what you write about applies to everyone... not just those that have RAD kids... but the sharing of what you go through with RAD kids really brings things into perspective. I think this is a great blog for anyone to read. And you are going to be an awesome counselor.

Brenda said...

Rachelle and Coffee Bean,

Thanks for he encouragement. I LOVED class.