Monday, May 12, 2008

It is Over

I made it through another Mother's Day. Whew. I will say only one boy child picked on me this year instead of 2. That is an improvement. The look in his eyes yesterday was one of pure hatred. My family was great with my boys especially my brother's in law. I appreciate them so much. One took the 2 of them with him out to clean up limbs while he cut up some fallen branches from a storm. One son wanted to quit and he refused to let him until it was all done and they could all go in together. The other son interrupted a conversation between my 2 brother's in law and my brother in law explained that you just don't do that. In the real world it will never fly so don't do it now and don't do it to him. Firm but kind. There were numerous other incidents. We sat down to eat dinner in my mother's family room in chairs in kind of a U shape. Some of the teens sat on the floor and used the coffee table. My older son with RAD sat in the center opening of the U at the top facing away from everyone. How bazaar is that? I would never dream of sitting in a room full of people (especially family) and sit with my back to them all. Oh well. It is over. It is hard to not take things personally isn't it? I need to just move back into therapeutic mode this morning. Think of touching, eye contact and connecting with him emotionally. Forget about yesterday and move on. Bren I was so happy to hear about your positive day yesterday. As long as they are breathing there is hope!

13 comments:

Bren said...

Reading about your day was like a deja vu! I have so been there. It sounds like it was all handled well. My family was/is not so supportive of attachment therapy...even hubby. They think it is mean in some aspects. I know though that with out the rug, my dd would not have a clue as to what a boundry is. Anyway...I have some wonderful pics of Charlotte posted on my blog, focusing on ME for Mother's Day...I was so shocked at her reaction to me telling her "You made my Mother's Day so special." Normally that comment would have brought on sabatoge, but she truly looked pleased and told me, "You deserve it Mom!!" Shock and Awe in a GOOD way!

Brenda said...

Awwwwwwww. That is amazing. I'll go take a look.

Beth said...

"It is over" -- wow, my sentiments exactly! We had a very challenging day with our daughter who has RAD. But today is a new day! I like your attitude, Brenda -- it helps me to stay focused on what I need to do TODAY. Thanks! ~ Beth

Brenda said...

Beth,

Thanks for sharing. That's why we are here. Encourage each other onward. It is hard but better together.

Coffee Bean said...

I love how encouraging you are.

I am glad Mother's Day is over. Mine was sad.

Renee said...

Last night I checked my email and some company sent me one that had a tagline "Don't you Wish Every Day was Mother's Day?"

DELETE

LMAO - Thank goodness it's over.

LNida said...

This is the first time I have ever bloged anyone. My wife and I have 2 adopted kids, thank God only 1 had RAD. Ali has been in therapy for three years. We are at our ends. Her therapist doesn't have any more ideas. We are looking at placing Ali into Residential Treatment. Our biggest problem is that there is only one place in Iowa that has Treatment that specializes in RAD. The next problem is they don't take kids until they are 10 and Ali is just nine. They have agreed to at least look at her case, but may not let her in until she turns 10, which is in December. That is if they feel they can help her. Our other problem is our local Dept. of Human Serv. has told us if they get involved at all they will place her in the first opening available (even if it doesn't treat RAD). Does anyone have any suggestions for us, Please?

Anonymous said...

Inida ~ We all feel your pain! Our RAD children can at times be too much. You've landed yourself on the right blog. Brenda has given excellent ideas in previous posts that you might find helpful. Also, I am not sure where in Iowa you live, but I do know that an Attachment Institute is opening up June 1 in Omaha, Nebraska. One of the therapists that is involved in this has an excellent reputation and has helped many families like yours. His name is Dan Bruckner. He also has a colleague named Deb Wesselman who works very well with children and has a remarkable success rate with EMDR therapy. Even if you have to travel a little ways I would think it would be well worth the trip. Also, I know of a support group that meets in Omaha once a month. I believe the website is www.PATCH_Omaha@yahoogroups.com
(If that is not right, you might have to google it.) I have visited this site several times and lots of information gets relayed to parents like us from the organizer of the group who is constantly attending seminars, camps, and conferences about RAD. She has had her share of struggles and her son is actually in an institution in Oregon right now going through some extensive therapy. She, like Brenda, is a great resource person. I wish you all the best and I hope that this information can be helpful to you. Blessings! Denise

Brenda said...

lnida,

I am sorry I missed your post but Denise has given you some valuable information. We see one of the attachment therapists she mentioned. They are very good. I hope and pray you find the resources you need. Have you considered a 2 week intensive at Evergreen or one of those type places?

LNida said...

We have not heard of evergreen. Where is it? We have been with our present therapst for two years. Denise is the only licensed RAD therapist in Iowa. She runs the adoption and attachment treatment center of Iowa. If you could give me some contact info on Evergreen, it would be appreaciated.

Brenda said...

http://www.attachmentexperts.com/seminars.html This is the site for Evergreen if you want to copy/paste it. If you go to this website http://attachment.org/pages_residential_facilities.php

You will find a list of residential facitities that treat RAD as recommended by Nancy Thomas.

Karen Deborah said...

Wow that is tough. I would have snet the surly young mand to his room without any food. I guess i still don't get it. How do you know when it's their problem or they are just being testy and bad?
How do you discipline a kid like this?

Brenda said...

Karen Deborah,

Their behavior is driven by fear or sadness. They don't trust or feel safe. Separation from the family is not a good thing. They also may have not had enough to eat as young children so we have to be careful not to use food as discipline. Let me do some research and I'll write something up for you on Friday. Tomorrow I have a college "thing" all day so may not get to blog. Horrors.