In a book somewhere long ago I read to think of your explosive child as a scared little boy in a monster suit. They want all the world to think of them as tough and brave. They are actually so scared inside. Sort of like Scooby Doo whistling as he walks through the cemetery with Shaggy. Their act can be pretty believable though. Not only do they get really loud but they go straight for your nerve. The one thing they know will get to you. Then if you start yelling, they feel they are back in control. They have also proved they are right about you. Adults are not strong enough to be in charge. They have "won". Of course, we mature, responsible adults are not interested in winning now are we? Ooops. Maybe sometimes I am. We have to look at the real objective. Our real objective is to make them feel trust, loved and safe. If we saw our reflection in the mirror during those moments do we appear to be trustworthy, loving and safe? I dare say we might look like some of the monsters from Scooby Doo ourselves!! The next time your child with RAD comes at you, nostrils flaring with "the look" on his face remember their is a terrified little child in there begging for help. There will be times you will not handle it correctly but each time you do brings you a step closer to healing. Keep working on it. Keep trying.
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying pray; Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Phillipians 4 The Message