Saturday, April 26, 2008


In the movie Enchanted the people from make believe come to live in the real New York City. It is a rude awakening to them as they come in touch with different people and emotions than they have experienced before. They learn to love this place or they hate it and go back. I think this is similar to our experience in adoption. We go into it with a fantasy of what we hope for in our heads. We picture our cute little boy (or girl) waiting for us somewhere and just hope they are happy and safe without us. We long for them. Then the pictures arrive and it is even harder to wait. You can see their eyes and touch their faces in the photo. I had our boy's photo hanging on the frig for many months and would touch their faces each time I walked by. I remember the day we met them I could hear my heart pounding in my chest and I was so nervous I thought I might have a heart attack and die right there on the side walk outside the door. How horrible would that be??? Then the visits start and they are hard but you miss them so much while they are gone. They move in. It is a dream come true. There are hard times but you know what to do. You have read the books. You are prepared. It will pass if you don't give up. Now years later it has not only not passed, the behavior is worse. Reality is here. This child doesn't love you. Might not ever and is aggressive towards your other children, pets, you and even your house. What have you done to this family? For my older children I believe I have taught them they are not the center of the universe. There are issues much bigger than themselves. Giving of yourself hurts emotionally and you give up a part of yourself. I think they are much better people for it. I do my best to keep our pets safe. They stay close to my husband and me. That isn't so bad. Our house is only a thing. Things are not important to me. Myself and my husband: We have grown closer to each other and stronger as individuals. Would a I be considering a masters in counseling and going into the field of attachment therapy if it were not for my boys? Probably not. I love them with all my heart. They love me as best they can at their own ability level. In their own way. What a joy when they have a moment where they "get it". What a joy when you do feel a real hug where there was none before. As far as I am concerned reality is a way better place to live than fantasy. You can do something of great value with your life. You can show a child how to save their own. "There is a fine line between dreams and reality, it's up to you to draw it." ~B. Quilliam. Dream big for you child. Live in the reality of who they are. Love them as they are.

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