Thursday, April 17, 2008
Child With RAD
You may or may not have noticed I try to always say "my child with RAD". I do not say my RAD child. A friend pointed out this is defining who they are and they are a person first and they have this problem. It should not define who they are. So how do we as parents keep this from becoming who they are? I think this is difficult because it controls so much of their behavior and is such a "loud" disorder. It is in your face so much of the time. I think going back to their infancy and remembering what they have been through that caused this disorder is helpful. It is not their fault but is attributed to the abuse, neglect or trauma they suffered while young. If you get those rare glimpses of who they are without it, if they sometimes let down their guard for a moment, really look and treasure THIS person. This is who they can become and more if they are healed. RAD is like a cancer inflicting them and causing them great pain. It needs serious treatment. But they are not RAD any more than a person who has cancer becomes cancer. And find one activity at which they can excel. Everyone is good at something and focus on developing this. They will fight you on certain days but don't let it become a control battle. For example I am running with one of my sons 3 days a week. Well, 1 day we run separately and 2 together because of schedules. Some days he just runs and really enjoys it and is excited about our 2 mile fun run approaching. (I am so not ready) Other days he complains and finds reasons not to run and tries to pull me into an argument. I tell him it is fine to just walk on those days. It is his race and he can choose how he wants to train. In other words don't turn it into an activity you both hate. It is hard to look past the RAD on some days. On many days. But we have to see them, not the RAD. They are a unique and special creation made by God's hands for a specific purpose. Help them find it.