Triangulation of Adults

I believe this is a very serious symptom to be dealt with immediately. It can cause serious problems in a marriage, in families and between friends. It will cause problems between mom and schools. The child with RAD, the mom and one other person make up the triangle. The child works very hard to make this other person think mom does not know what she is doing, that she is unfair and harsh. They know how to stir the pot until eventually the fighting is between mom and someone else and they are standing off to the side with a big smile on their face. Refuse to let this happen. You and your spouse need to talk about it. Chris and I sat down with our boys on more than one occasion and said "We are team. You cannot come in between us. We know what we are doing and we will always back each other up." This really took care of a lot of it. They still occasionally come to one of us to "tell" on the other. I say "Are you telling on your dad? Let's go talk to him about it." This of course is met with a NOOOOOOOOOOOO. With teachers you also need a unified front. There are friends, family and teachers that will never understand RAD nor what you are doing. You have to let that be ok, try to educate and if they refuse just accept that this relationship is different now. Limit your time with this person. Spend time with people who will build you up and give you support. Focus on the positive uplifting people who either really "get" RAD or at least are trying hard to get it. Most of all focus on your relationship with your spouse. Time with him has to be first above all other people and the RAD child cannot dominate so much of your time that you don't have time for healthy relationships. Don't let your child shut you off from others. One of the best ways to have strength for this battle is to build strong support. Start with your spouse. Go out on a date and don't talk about RAD!!!