Friday, March 21, 2008

Poor Peer Relationships

This one is mystifying to me. Why is it that kids who can read you like a book, manipulate you and know exactly what will set you off have no idea how to relate to people in a positive way? They are masters at poor relationships but clueless on positive relationships. First of all, they never learned to read facial expressions. They did not receive the one on one face to face time that a healthy infant receives. They do not catch inflections or tones in the voice. So they cannot tell if someone is becoming irritated. I have stopped my boys many times when they were teasing and irritating someone. They were completely baffled because they thought they were just playing. They do not know how to have a conversation because they are used to lying and nonsense chatter. They have no cause and effect thinking so they cheat in games, call kids names and push and shove. In class they blurt out because they are impulsive. Look at the symptoms to the right of this post and see if those are the qualities you look for in a friend. If they have not made that basic connection with mom they cannot connect with anyone else. So while I do give my boys pointers on talking with and relating to other people. I think the real key is working on their relationship with me. Make faces that show different emotions and have them guess which one it is. Then have them do the same. Use your voice to say the same sentence with different inflections and have them guess what you are feeling. Practice conversation. Explain how their behaviors effect other children. All of these things may help some. The relationship with mom is the key to all other relationships. Work on building a feeling of love, trust and safety first of all.

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