Destructive to Self and Others: This one is frightening. For a few years my youngest destroyed many things. He kicked his dresser into little pieces. Pulled sheet rock off of the walls to the insulation, pulled off woodwork, pulled down curtains, ripped up wallpaper. He has broken almost every door knob in our home. Sometimes this would happen when he was in a rage. Sometimes it would happen just because he just did it for no apparent reason. He was still angry even when no one could see. Things would mysteriously break. He was also suspended from school 5 days last year for fighting. He would ram into people with his shoulder, hit them on the head and "accidentally" kick them. That is outside of the 5 suspensions. The amount of anger over what happened to them is bigger than we can imagine. It helps to think of this tiny frightened child wearing a big scary monster suit. I would try (notice that word try is appearing again) to picture the frightened little boy inside when the monster appeared. And one thing often worked. Physical touch. A touch on the shoulder and gentle words deescalated him faster than anything. That is hard to do when you are angry. So moms have to have themselves under control. I remember one day he was in the bedroom kicking the walls. I started counting the kicks. He yelled " What are you doing?" I said "Counting" He wanted to know why. I told him that dad and I had guessed a number of how many times he would hit or kick things that day. Whoever got the closest would get a latte. "Well what is the number you guessed?" I told him I could not tell him because I wanted to win. He said "Well there is one way to make sure you don't win. I won't kick it at all." I went out for a latte later and made sure he knew.