CONTROL. A big word with RAD. The child wants it. They have different ways of trying to gain control of a situation. Physical domination...talking nonstop or silly questions to control a conversation....passive aggressive behavior where they think they are in control and don't think you know it....bossiness....cuteness....arguing or saying things to make you angry.....refusing to eat, groom, do chores.......I think the list could go on forever. They constantly change the tactics to maintain control. And us big mature grownups...how do we react when we try to keep control in our households? If your like me, your first thought makes you hang your head. Well, if we realize the need for control is driven by a need to feel safe, we react by not reacting much of the time. Staying calm..saying the opposite of what they are trying to get us to say...smiling and hugging when they want yelling and stomping off....answering silly questions with silly answers.....The hard part is remembering. We don't need to WIN the battle. We need to make them feel safe. Focusing on winning each battle through dominance and controlling the situation through force can cause our children to take steps backwards. When we make them feel safe, show them we are strong enough to use self control and that we love them no matter what THEN we win the battle whether it looks it or not. Easy to do? NO. Can it be done? YES. With lots and lots of practice. Remember how it looked when our kids learned to ride their bikes. They fell down a lot. Parents fall down a lot. We get up and keep trying because we love our kids. Practice practice practice.