I think one of the hardest parts of parenting a child with RAD is dealing with the sadness of not being loved back. We love them so fiercely. When we show love to our kids or husbands we have a love style. In his book 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman, talks about our love language, or the way we need to receive love. He states there are 5: Words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time. There is even a little quiz on his website that you can take to help determine yours if you don't know it. Mine is quality time, there is no doubt.
One of the difficulties in family relationships is that we tend to show people we love them by using our own love language. So I may want to show my husband love by spending time with him. His love language is acts of service, so it does not make him feel loved in the same way as me when I spend an hour with him. Weirdly enough, I can clean the whole basement and he is beaming. If that is your love language...sorry.
One of the ways I figured out my kids love language was by asking them how someone would know they are loved. "Hug them" is a sign of needing the physical touch. It is Taz's love language.
Knowing our family helps us to be attuned to them, to meet their needs. So do a little experimenting with family members with whom you may be unsure and see what brings a smile to their eyes!
As far as RAD goes, it has helped in approaching those kids in ways that are most meaningful to them. Their love language is out of whack, but I can guarantee you, from day on Taz has loved a hug even when he would not hug back. On days when he wouldn't take a hug because of rage a high five or a pat on the hand, still calmed him.
All of us really want to be loved in a way that is meaningful and deep to our hearts.
Have a healing day.
By the way, my husband is going to swing dance lessons with me tonight. I'd better go scrub the bathroom floor! (Quality time/ Acts of service)