Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Old Yeller

Yup. That's me.  This last weekend I morphed back into Old Yeller.  My husband was gone out of town with Fish. That left me at home alone with Taz and Teddy.  I was thinking "We'll make this a fun weekend!" I sat myself up.  For those of you who are not familiar with our family, Taz had sever RAD. After 8 mths of treatment with The Attachment and Trauma Center of Nebraska and EMDR with a great trauma therapist he made some remarkable steps in attachment. Now I am not saying if you met Taz (age 15) you'd say "My what a remarkable young man". He still has some issues, but they are NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING like what he had before. He is doing pretty well in school. He is taking part in an evening activity, he attends youth group and does OK. There are far beyond what he was able to do previously.  Teddy has made some steps in attachment but he has other issues that make life difficult for him and I believe, interfere with ability to feel safe.  .

First of all to explain their old feelings that came back up.  They have some strong abandonment feelings that go right to their very core. They have been with us for 12 years.  Suddenly every noise sent Taz through the rough. His startle reflex was so strong. I was putting up a new chandelier in the dining room and dropped a piece of metal. He bolted from his room and veered to the side knocking over and end table and scratching it all up. It was wayyyyyyyyyyy out of the path.  We went out to eat and to a movie and did some shopping. It was a tough weekend for all. I suppose looking back the best way to provide a safe feeling would have been to order in and rent DVDs but I thought we were beyond that.  Those feelings of fear and abandonment run deep. Time for a calm conversation with Taz since he has had some time to calm back down and get back on track.

Oh yes. Old Yeller. I did not handle the weekend's stress. I resorted back to yelling which is NOT discipline, not loving and not mature. But I did it. Time for me to make some repairs there and look at where that all came from.  I think the feelings of having hubby gone and being afraid I couldn't handle the two of them took over. Silly, I know, but that is what I did.

So what do you do when you get off track? Talk to each other about it. Apologies made, hugs all around and start again. One of the beauties of life. We get to start again!

Have a healing day!


Integrity Singer said...

i did that last night to AB and then stopped mid yell and said, "sorry." * deep breath* "I'm tired and that wasn't fair. Can we try again?"

then he hugged me around my head and kissed my eye - which is how AB shows affection so I took it as "forgiven!"


familygregg said...

Hi. Just hi :)

Anonymous said...

hi!This was a really marvelous subject!
I come from milan, I was luck to seek your theme in baidu
Also I get a lot in your theme really thanks very much i will come every day