The Parent Email chain that runs through the ATTACH membership has been chatting about residential treatment. I do not know about any of these facilities personally so can not give a thumbs up but they are recommended by other parents of kids with RAD. Do your research carefully.
CALO is an attachment based residential treatment facility in Ozark, MO. They take kids from ages 13-18.
Villa Santa Maria also specializes in attachment disorder. It is in the Sandia Mountains outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. They accepts children from ages 5-14.
Chaddock in Quincy IL treats many behavioral issues but also has a department dealing with attachment and trauma issues. They take children between 8-16 for the attachment program.
There may be others of which I am not aware. Please share if you know of residential treatment specializing in attachment. Like I said, these are not personal endorcements by me because I have only heard from other parents and looked through the websites but I think they are worth reviewing more carefully if you are in need.
These are the times I think residential is appropriate:
When the other children,yourself, or the traumatized child (by self injury) are in danger.
When you have tried attachment therapy, EMDR therapy and the therapists let you know that this is more severe than the treatment they give can help.
When respite is appropriate:
When you are burned out.
When you feel you cannot go on.
In order to keep from getting burned out, respite for an evening or weekend regularly can be a big plus!
During those times I think therapy for yourself can help, especially if you are dealing with trauma from your own past. Makes sure you care for yourself. You are doing a hard job. If there are no options for residential and that is what you believe is appropriate check on a foster parent list (from social services) for those who do respite and take it when you need it. That may be what gets you through.
Never, never, never quit.....but don't do nothing....be proactive....parent on purpose.