I'm not big on New Year's resolutions. I never ever keep them. I do think it is good to set goals in life though. It keeps me "living on purpose" instead of drifting along. I am back at Weight Watchers losing the same old 20 lb that plagues me every few years.
What about some RAD review and goals.
2009 was such a mix of successes and failures. No one who does not live with a child with RAD can begin to understand how hard it is. Every day. Hard. Hard. It is hard to be hated by someone who you love so much. You know you have progressed though when you can remind yourself that under the hate is fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Fear of attachment. When I remember those things in the tough moments is when I parent successfully. When I let myself be afraid: Afraid of rejection, afraid of the future, that is when I become angry too.
2010 goals for me: (as RAD related)
Continue working on teaching the boys to talk about their feelings, to get past what is on the surface to what lies beneath. The real stuff.
Work on their social skills. Practice reading my expressions, the expressions of those on tv (with volume off)
Work on life skills. Our boys are 14 and 17. We need to continue working on filling out job applications and practicing interviewing. We need to work on money management, budgeting.
Have fun. This is lacking not just for us but for them. When they were deep into RAD the only time I saw my boys smile was when someone had something bad happening to them. They do genuinely smile sometimes now, Taz much more than Teddy. We need to play board games, go out to eat, laugh and play. I went with our daughter, Dancer, to a place where you paint pottery. They fire it for you and then you pick it up in a week. There were a couple of techniques non artistic kids would love (I used one of them as I am artistically impaired) I think I will take Taz back there in a couple of weeks for his birthday if he wants. I know Teddy would love it.
During 2010 I will continue to work on having fun with my husband and emotionally healthy kids. I will work on taking time to be alone and enjoy time with friends. It is so important to be "normal".
Cheers to 2010.