Monday, December 14, 2009

What Healing Looked Like


I can only tell you what the beginnings of healing looked like in our boys. They both have a long way to go. Small stressors in life are triggers that send them back into the fearful behaviors.  I love the above photo. It reminds me of how beautiful my children are. They live in the cold world of fear. They are frozen in time so to speak and can't wake up. 

When they started to heal their behaviors escalated. It scared them to death to know they were beginning to have feelings for this mom. It made them feel vulnerable and they fought it with all they had.They are past that stage. If your child is escalating in behaviors and you are either doing therapuetic parenting or in attachment therapy, don't lose hope. That was the darkest time for me. There is light. It gets better.

We have times of escalation now. This morning was one of those.  But we had a wonderful day yesterday. We had some great conversations. Taz and Teddy both were endearing and loving toward me several times. Those moments give great hope and see me through the dark ones. They also can be triggers to bring out the fear the next day. But when they are first healing...you don't get those sweet times. They will come. Never, never, never quit.

8 comments:

J. said...

we take the good, we take the bad, we take them obth and there you have the facts of life... you are so bang on with this one and it does get better.

Matt and Lindsey said...

I've never commented, but I read every single one of your posts. I'm a mom of four boys that we adopted from foster care in our state. We have two with RAD. I've been discouraged lately as their behaviors have escalated due to the healing process and I love to hear from you who has gone before me and is going through it now. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and for the encouragement that I receive from reading about your journey.
Lindsey

Brenda said...

Lindsey,

Thanks so much for leaving a comment now. I'm going to click your name to see if you have a blog. We'd love to go through the healing with you. It is exciting but really tough.

Brenda said...

Matt & Lindsey (sorry I ignored Matt the first time) I clicked on the link to your blog which gave another link but that one didn't work.....

Tera said...

Thank you for this post. I am less than a year into therapy with my 4 year old that we adopted in March. We adopted three children at the same time ages 2,3,4. She is the only one with a tramatic past. It has been a rough week. It helps to know others have made it through.

Brenda said...

Tera,

It is great you are finding help for him so early. It is rough, especially this time of year. I look forward to hearing great news about him.

BT said...

Our P escalated bigtime when we upped the attachment parenting. That was when his most vicious rages occurred. Also tons of his anxiety-driven behaviours worsened hugely. Following that very difficult period, he showed tremendous progress. Since then, I have found that escalations (which we tend to call regressions in our house) tend to be followed by signs of heightened healing. Also, the regressions/escalations have become, over time, less frequent, less extreme, and shorter-lived. I consider all of this signs of healing. The thing I really struggle with now is whether P is actually healing in terms of the difficult/sad feelings or whether he is simply learning to handle his behaviours better in the midst of those feelings. I consider both to be essential for true healing.

Brenda said...

BT well said