Tuesday, September 8, 2009

You Are a Retarded Liar

Oh those are the words every mother wants to hear. Bear is angry. He is angry about mini golf. He is angry because he has been sneaking around and doing some things and I figured it out. Just angry. His favorite response is "If you do, that will make me mad." My response "You are already mad Bear." Of course he goes on and on. I know every child is different but I think it was Shakespeare that said "I think thee doest protest too much." Often when he has done something he goes off and rants and raves about it even if I have not asked or only asked one question. I sit quietly while he shoots anger fishing lures at me trying to get me to join into his angry chaos. Sometimes I think he needs to feel like he can "make" me join in. Sometimes I think he feeds off the feeling of chaos. It is what he is comfortable with. Chaos feels like home.

The key to getting through is keeping myself calm and regulated, pray and shut up. Keep the eyes gentle and loving. YES. There are consequences to his actions. And NO they do not teach him a thing. They are necessary because they are a part of life. As an adult there are consequences so we teach them. But they must be done in love. They must be done by maintaining emotional control, not through joining in the yelling and becoming a part of the problem. Do I always succeed? Of course not. But I will never, never, never quit!

7 comments:

ldw said...

Yep, I am so there with you. Glorious day in the RAD world!

Mom 4 Kids said...

Shut up and pray, love that! Glad you keep going and keep sharing!

Rachelle said...

Still like reading your words of wisdom. : )

Bill and Ronni Hall said...

Yeah, they really try to get you going, and the anger is never far from the surface. Remaining calm and collected is the best way to handle it, thought it's not always easy. We have found it is easier if we are taking care of ourselves and enjoying life away from the chaos.

peggysue said...

I am glad you are keeping your calm. I am sad because of the life lessons, so vital to healthy adult relationships! that he is refusing to learn. Because at this point, at age 17 and above, we have a choice to be still and listen or to shove those lessons away. A choice to face the internal pain those lessons may cause, to look into the chambers in our heart that need to be opened and cleaned out, or to keep them firmly shut. I'm sad that Bear is keeping those chambers locked tight.

Brenda said...

Peggy Sue,

Thank you for caring about Bear. He is a very sad boy.

Melissa said...

Great post! I haven't read you in awhile - just needed to get RAD somewhat out of my head for a time. Loved your words of wisdom here. I have a "doest protest too much" in my house as well. THanks!