Every year I dread Mother's Day. In fact if you look back you will see I have written a post similar to this before approximately one year ago. I thought about just posting the same one again but I thought I should be so much more mature after another year of parenting children with RAD my post would be better................uh oh........
Several things to remember if Mother's Day blows up:
1) Don't take it personally. Plan ahead on it being a tough day and then if it is good, well nice surprise! : )
2) I imagine to them it is like celebrating all their past abuse and trauma. Acknowledge that and let them know you understand they are hurting and reminded of their past by this day.
3)Where is birth mom now and why didn't she want me? There are a variety of ways our children were taken from their homes. There are birth mom's who give up the rights to their children out of love and hope for them. Many of our children were removed by the state because of abuse and neglect or abandoned by the roadside in a foreign country. I also wonder about birth mom and how she is doing on Mother's Day. Talk about that and possibly say a prayer together for her.
4)Take the focus off of the whole Mom thing and just do some fun activities at the park or watch a DVD together.
Ways to be proactive:
1) Don't make a huge deal out of the day if it is hard for your kids.
2) Plan a day away from home without the kids. You can even plan a day away by yourself if need be: shopping, at a spa, visiting a friend or go visit your mom.
3) Don't talk about Mother's Day far in advance. Wait until the day of, and then let other's bring it up.
4)Tell them up front: "I know today is a hard day for you (if they have demonstrated this in the past). It is OK. If you need to talk about it I'm here for you. I'm so glad I'm your mom and today I am just going to be happy about that and I'll take care of your hurting."
5) Focus on your own mom and mother-in-law! Make it about them.
Oh...and Happy Mother's Day. You are extraordinary.