I washed my cell phone in the washing machine. Water is leaking into the basement from somewhere in the kitchen. The plumber is here now. I need to mail packages to our two daughters in college because they contain not only cookies but some papers and other items they need. I have some homework for Research class that is statistics that are very difficult and I need to go through with the book and the exercises and look at them carefully to figure it all out. Our dogs go to the groomer today. They are a shaggy mess. I have a chiropractors appointment. Bear has an orthodontists appointment. Then fish has a chiropractors appointment. Besides that there is the usual vacuuming, laundry, groceries. This is my life. I love it.
Then throw in the RAD. This morning the conversation went like this. "Bear you have argued with almost every single thing I have said this morning." Bear: "Not every single thing." Me: "I said almost. I did not say every. Thank you for agreeing with me." Bear: "Well I was way nicer to you then I could have been. If you wanted to see me be mean I can be a whole lot worse than that. You should see the kids at school if you think I am so bad." OK. This all stemmed from me stating he is arguing too much winding down to me thinking he is as bad as the worst kids at school. We talk in circles. Never going anywhere. Never solving anything. I just end with "I'm sorry you feel sad today." "I'm not sad." He continued to criticize or argue with every statement. "The way you are going to school is longer than the route Fish takes to school. "(Bear said) that sort of thing. I chose not to reply. I just dismiss it. What is my motive in continuing the conversation? Do I have to prove I'm right? Do I have to get in the last word? Do I need control? These are important questions to ask myself. JUST LET IT GO. Show love instead. I prepare the boys scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage or bacon on school days. I do the brushing for Bears back. I muster a "Good morning Bear" in the most pleasant voice I have. I play Mozart softly while they eat. These are ways I show him I love him in the mornings.
Then I need to focus on the other people in the family. They need positive touch, pleasant words and encouragement as well. They respond positively to these things. They need it. I need to see the response. Focusing on the one person who cannot do this at the present time is not healthy for any of us.
So today, if you have the normal life stresses and the RAD mixed in, focus on the healthy people. On the things you'd like to accomplish in your day. Don't let RAD define your family. It is not who you are.