Grandma: We need to be that kind of loving person who looks for the good in our kids. Gentle and sweet, baking goodies for them and feeding them hand to mouth ourselves.
Arnold: We have to have great strength physically to keep up with these kids. Sometimes we have to do physical holds. You might want to find out what a safe legal hold is considered in your state. I would look on the internet or check with law enforcement. It also takes great inner strength to shut our own mouths so the anger doesn't spill out. That takes us back to regulation though. It takes a lot of practice, which by the way, means som failures, to learn to regulate our own emotions. I find the more I do it the easier it becomes. That doesn't mean I never have a blow out. It means they get farther apart. Improvement is good.
Some days I don't feel like grandma or Arnold. At those times I know it is time to get away. Time to go for coffee with a friend and talk about something else. Time to lay down and watch something I like on tv (there isn't much), read a book I've wanted to read. Even Aunt Bea and Arnold Schwarzenegger rest sometimes!
I don't know if you have seen the movie Peaceful Warrier. There is some good stuff in that movie. I tried to add a You Tube into the body of this but I'm going to have to send it separately. It made it there last so is up above.