Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Verbally Puking

Do you know that in every PE class they try putting Bear there are mean kids who will not leave him alone! They seem to follow him around. None of it is his fault. He just seems to get all the mean kids in his classes and they pick on him for absolutely no reason. Fish is lucky and never gets any of these people in class.

If you believe any of that I have some land I'd like to sell you on the North Pole right next to Santa's lot. So I have had 2 phone calls from school and had to make one visit trying to change things around. The change only made things worse and the teacher said the last class was the worst and was an hour of h*#$. The issue is Bear says things like "What are you looking at." or if they are playing a game talks about how he is going to beat them. Then the angrier kids come after him. He gets back in their face and it eventually it is going to lead to a fight. I full expect him to be expelled by the end of this week.

I do also realize there are some pretty jerky kids even if you don't do anything. I was walking in the front door of the high school yesterday and one of them was coming out and swung the door at my face and made a noise to startle me. Then laughed. I had not done anything except try to come in while he was about to go out. He got a detention. What are the odds this would be the same kid who would be in the last class they tried Bear in? A teacher saw him be rude to me and he got into some trouble. Then had the opportunity to take it out on Bear. BUT this does not excuse his reaction. When the a fore mentioned Rude Person walked past me I merely said his name and kept going. Bear would have turned around and gone after him verbally puking on the kid. Does anyone else have this problem?????????????

13 comments:

Bren said...

I love home school. ;)

Brenda said...

bren,

My question is, doesn't he abuse you verbally all day? Bear does this with me any time he is home and dad is not around.

Accidental Mommy said...

I have a kid who thinks the world revolves around her and then some.

If we don't do what she wants when she asks promptly, she throws a fit.

We're sitting on our "fat butts", she flips us off behind our backs and mumbles the whole way back to her room.

Nobody is allowed personal space but her. If she wants her space we better give it. That includes breathing, having our eyes open, etc... The same for the people at school.

But Lord forbid if we want personal space, then we are the worst people in the world who don't care about her or love her.

It's not as bad as it used to be because if we catch her talking crap to us or about us, it's automatic loss of priveleges. No explanations needed. Sorry will be accepted but doesn't change anything.

Kandi said...

I have one of those lovely children. It is NEVER his fault, everyone else makes him behave this way.

Brenda I would never be able to home school Noah. He abuses me way to much, verbally. And he is even starting to throw stuff at me...ugh!!

I think we will be looking at a suspension real soon too. :(

HUGS!!

Christine said...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH.

And by that, I mean yes - we deal with this.

Now, granted, I approach the fact that we homeschool as fulltime therapy. I have literally viewed it as my fulltime job (and it's a butt whoopin'). I have been able to see how times that he is with peers ... well, we have major times of detox after. I think the only thing worse than being with him all day would be the insane amount of regression he would experience due to school. That's a very personal opinion, and what I think works best for us - AND ME!!

So, it was a decision I made, and have literally had to put everything else on hold. It is haaaaaaard (I bring two RADishes and Tourettes into our learning everyday). Yet, for me, I have decided that it is giving them a greater chance at healing sooner. I have so much control over this environment. As healing increases, their time with peers is increasing.

I know that not everyone can do this. Yes, I do have it all directed at me all day. The whole world is so very unfair. Everyone and everything is against him. (begin sad music playing in background here) No one else gets in trouble the same way. Whaaaaaaaaah!

Yesterday he started in on it, and I quipped, "Oh, thanks for reminding me! Can't believe that I would forget how I love everyone else, except you. That's just the kind of Mom I am!"

He rolled his eyes, smiled and said, "Moooooooooom!"

I've found my humor again this week and it has saved my butt. Yesterday, anytime I corrected I spoke everything through operatic songs! "Oh, NOOOOO! It seems that this lass feels unsafe and would like some controoooooool. And thus ... and THUS ... her brother lost his own control and chose to hurt her with his words. So nooooooooooow! I take away all words. No words. No words. You may speak - NOOOOOOOO - WOOOOOORRRRRDS!"

They hated it. It was great!

Brenda said...

Christine,

Oh my goodness I feel the Opera swelling up in me as you speak. My son is going to regret we have become friends. I do have one question. This is a sincere "want to know" question and not a criticism. Do you think homeschooling a child with RAD will prepare him for dealing with and working the public? That question is not offered with a preconceived notion or idea, it is something I have pondered over and over and can see both ways.

Christine said...

Realize that this is coming from homeschooling mom of five - in her fifth year of doing this (all five having at least once child with special needs). Public school does not adequately prepare EVERY child for their adult life (that is not a blanket statement - I HIGHLY support public education!!). You'll never again have such specific peer immersion, such hand holding (in some situations), etc. In fact, companies right now are moaning the new workforce coming out of colleges. While they have book knowledge, they flounder when it comes to social interaction and respecting authority.

Two of our biggest concerns for our RADlings.

Of course, public school kids can do ABSOLUTELY FINE in the world (I DID!). Parental involvement and other things can overcome any gaps. Of course they can! Yet, the question is whether or not it would actually be detrimental to our kids with RAD. I have concluded that not only would it not be a detriment, but for my children it is helping them to be surrounded by a healing environment.

My kids do experience those times of complete peer immersion, but it's not for hours on end. They connect with more adults than those in public school, and much more often.

Ds12 paid off his debt (after destroying his carpet) to us by working for the adults in our church. He spent many afternoons watering flowers and cleaning barns, etc., for anyone who offered. Interacting with them. Learning to show respect. Being extremely bored by manual labor. Having conversations with people that are easily 50 years his senior. Looking them in the face to explain that he was needing to find work to pay back his parents for making a bad choice and destroying something.

I also don't know how everyone else's house works, but we are "the" house - the one in the neighborhood where all the kids hang. So, we ALWAYS have other kids around, but I am close. Funny thing is - if anyone gets out of hand, I can say, "Use your words," and every single kid in the neighborhood knows what that means after spending just a few afternoons with me! ha! They don't even realize that the "cool house" is therapeutic! LOLOL

I don't interact with their peer relationships as much, now. I may put an ear toward the hallway, but I give them ample opportunity to work things out. I also give them ample opportunity to tick off their friends and then suffer for several days because no one wants to hang out with them.

My entire goal is to release them a tiny bit more, each and every week. That looks different for every kid (understatement of the century!). Yet, right now, public school would feed every aching fear in my RADlings, every single day. It would be like the crack cocaine mecca of arguing, triangulating, controlling, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. I have a tighter circle right now. The circle is growing. I think that if homeschooling a RADish would send a mom over the edge, or if mom can't allow herself to let that circle grow each year, then it could be very detrimental.

I'm totally committed to it, but I also had several years under my belt before we grew our family into the Wild World of RAD. I was able to choose a curriculum that is so WONDERFULLY helpful to the way RAD tries to take over their learning.

So, my answer is a very typical, "It's not for everybody." I wouldn't have it any other way, but I think there are plenty of RADalicious moms out there that say the same thing about having their kids go to school outside their home. When it comes to these kids, you can't JUST do what is best for them, but what is also best for Mom (which then ends up being what is truly best for them).

Brenda said...

Christine,

THANK YOU! That explained it so clearly.

Renee said...

Brenda - I think you know how I feel about homeschooling and RAD. :-D Which reminds me I need to go grade assignments.

But just for the record, I think that kids with RAD have a tough time dealing with and working with the public anyway (at least after they realize they aren't charming them.) I do not think HSing is detrimental in anyway.

Leaders In Learning said...

Ok, Christine, I have to know what this terrific HS curriculum is. I'm still looking. got several and finding out they aren't as good as I thought.

Christine said...

I use Sonlight as my basis. LOTS of reading, but what I have discovered is that THEY don't have to do all the reading. I can read to all of them (I have my four oldest kids all on the same level of History and Science). If they're having a day where they totally freak out, then they can read to catch up later, when they're regulated.

I DO NOT BUY THE BOOKS FROM SONLIGHT (if you've looked at their website, the cost will make you pass out)! I order the teacher's guide used for the level we are on. I then get online to find out what books are available at our local library. I get the rest either from PaperbackSwap.com or find them used online. Cheap - cheap - CHEAP! I make my own timelines for them (or have the kids design them), instead of ordering from Sonlight, etc. I the Queen of frugality.

When it comes to spelling, I use Sequential Spelling. There are no tests. Every day I read through a list of 25 words. After each one, I write it on a dry erase board to show, and they immediately correct them. The lists build on themselves throughout the week (four days a week). The stress of tests are out the window. I'm not checking for neatness - they check their own. I do the occasional glance to make sure they are writing the actual words and not, "Stupid Mom" or "I'm so much smarter than her!" *snicker*

We are doing "Easy Grammar" now - just one worksheet a day (less is more with our kids!!). I also have them doing MCP Word Study workbooks this year (just one worksheet a day) to make sure we're filling in any gaps - my two RADishes have only known English for two years.

The youngest two (which includes one RADling) are doing the MCP Math. Again - one worksheet a day. Not overwhelming (although, they can make it that way!). The older two are doing Teaching Textbooks (one of my RADlings and my Tourettes gal). I am very, very, VERY happy with this program. I spent more on it than anything else, but it is much more engaging - perfect for these two. It also is done on the computer, which brings an element of fun for them. If they don't "get" something, they can just rewatch the lecture. It automatically grades, which is cool, but I've also discovered that I have absolutely no arguments with my ds12 over Math - the computer handles it all. *insert me dancing here*

We finish by about noon every day. If they don't get their act together, or try to control by working slowly - well, check out my most recent post called "That's fine, there's no rush." It's my newest addition to my arsenal. :)

Bren said...

Brenda,
Sorry it took so long to get back on this one...I just read it. I had Charlotte in public school and the phone would ring most days before the bell would. She is VERY passive aggressive. She would NEVER verbally assault me or anyone else. That would blow her cover of being a "sweet angelic being of light". She did punch a boy in the face once...the only boy in the whole class who was not mean to her. He was just standing there. Everyone, including me, was shocked. No, I have never dealt with what you are talking about. I do know that her behaviors are controlled in home school because she can not con or manipulate me. Everytime she is able to do that she gets "stronger" and NOT in a good way. Today she was able to TOTALLY manipulate my mom and triangulate my mother and I. It is almost like this "ick" inside her grows when she is able to get away with it. My comment about "I love home school" was based on the fact that I remember all the phone calls from the school and having to deal with people who just do not get it. ((((hugs)))
I would never tell someone with a RAD child to home school, nor would I tell them to put their RAD kid in school. It is what you can and can not deal with...I personally can not deal with my daughter in the school system. It was a nightmare and she learned nothing. Home school was the only option.

Brenda said...

Bren,

Thanks for sharing that. It sounds ver similar. I fully understand why you homeschool. I feel public school is the right place for my kids currently and I do feel fully supported in that by everyone here. I think we all get that we are doing our best. It is hard enough to be judged by people who don't get it. We all know that which is why this group is so great.