I know there are a few of you who come here that do not have children with RAD. I appreciate the fact that you come here. I want to give an example today of the differences in my children with RAD and especially my one who does. The flowers above were given to me by our daughter Dancer. She has been dating a boy whose parent's farm for over 2 years. She was out working with them the other day and came across a field of sunflowers they were going to shred. Actually, she was. She showed me the picture of herself driving the tractor. Impressive. : ) Anyway, she said "Wait. I want to get some flowers for my mom first." And stopped and cut me some. AWWWWWWWWWWWW. Aren't they pretty. They are the new wallpaper on my laptop as well. When I look at them I feel loved. She had asked me if I wanted to do a craft project with her. So we sat down with some type of art board last night and painted cute saying with paint markers. I painted a sunflower and wrote "Dancer (only I did use her name) You are a gift from the Lord." There was very little talking as we sat there quietly painting for about 2 hours.
I was so aware of the difference of my life with our children with RAD and our children without. I can take Fish on a trip to Lincoln and have normal conversation. I can talk with Eagle on the phone and enjoy talking with her. Taz is getting better. We do have some normal conversations now. But then there is Bear. I do not believe I have ever had a conversation that I would call a comfortable relaxed conversation. There have been times when he was open and honest about his feelings about his past and that is as close as it has come. He would NEVER stop and cut me flowers. He would never ask me to sit and paint with him and if he did he would talk nonstop about absolutely nothing. He would yell at siblings as they walked by. He would show me his picture every 5 seconds and ask me if it was good. It is so hard to enjoy him. He was extremely jealous that I was doing this project with dancer and I finally had to send him from the room. He was trying to argue with anyone within ear shot, dominate our conversation and join in. I told him this was my time with Dancer. She leaves for college on Sunday. I will be glad to do a project with him. In fact if I will go buy more board and attempt to do this with the boys as well. It will not go well with Bear. Taz and Fish are not too into art but might enjoy giving it a try. So while I LOVE my sunflowers, they do make me so aware of what I do not have with Bear.