Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This Mom Will Leave Me

It is the biggest fear of every child with RAD. This mom will do what all the others did. We can say we will stay. We will never leave them. But then, what about death? They know they will be gone then and we can't stop that. My son's fear of me leaving rules his life. He is completely out of touch with his feelings of fear and sadness and immediately changes them to anger. We talked about these things in therapy yesterday. I asked him if he felt keeping me at a distance will work. If he will not feel bad if I die because he has kept me at a distance. Of course it doesn't work. I asked if he felt since my mother is getting older if I should back away and not be so close so it won't hurt when she dies. No of course not. I told him I choose, instead, to value the time I have left with her and be closer. To love her every minute and make sure she knows. We discussed this in depth. I can never tell when we are in therapy if he says the right things to get out of there or if he says them because he means them. Time will show which it was.


Anonymous said...

Losing someone - it is such a scary concept even under "normal" circumstances, but for kids who live in constant fear of abandonment, it is absolute horror. It sounds like you gave him something to really think about though. I hope he is able to process it in the way you intend. Denise R.

Mrs. Incredible said...

Your patience is admirable. It is so hard not to get frustrated with a child whose constant message is "Don't! Leave me alone!" even when the underlying message is "Don't leave me alone!"

Jenn loves Derek said...

I saw your comment on Dawn's Blog & thought I would stop by.

My son has a form of Autism and it can be frustrating in a different way. But I would not want it any other way. I think your son is blessed to have a mom who takes the time to work with his thinking. Kuddos to you!

Sending smiles & prayers your way;)


Karen Deborah said...


Renee said...

Good timing. I had just been thinking how bizarrely intense A's fear and hatred of death is. All death. She takes it as a presonal challenge and insult. I get where she is coming from when I think of it in the context of her attachment issues.