My Child's World View

All of us perceive the world based on our life experience and beliefs we have built over time. These beliefs may come from a mixture of that experience and the belief systems of those with whom we live and then as we get older, those with whom we spend our time.

For example, I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses and I tend to be relaxed and low key most of the time. I can kick it in gear when necessary, such as work needing done, but don't tend to stress. I grew up with parents from the hills of the Ozarks. Many would say they had very hillbilly like childhoods. I hope so because to me, that carries a picture of very relaxed, simple people who enjoy the beauty of the world around them and each other.

Our children had their early years surrounded by trauma, neglect, and or abuse. To them the world is a dangerous place. Love is not to be trusted because people who love you hurt you. Love is not safe. Repeated trauma not only made this reality if it the very basis of their view of the world. It is hardwired into there brains just as deeply as is my own view of the world as a safe and loving place. Yes. there is danger but my shock and horror at crime and injustice comes from my belief that those things go so against my world view.

Our children expect to fail. They expect us to leave. They believe moms are dangerous as they are not to be trusted and break your heart.

We just keep loving them and telling them they are safe,  love is good, they are worth loving. And then we demonstrate it daily. We don't feel it every day. We don't succeed every day. But then we get up and start again. We never, never quit.

Why is he singing?

Taz has the habit of singing when he is upset. Years ago, I thought it was a sign of no conscience. He'd break something intentionally, take something or do some other thing upsetting and then start singing....I would be so upset at his lack of guilt feelings. One day I asked him why he was singing and he said he was trying to make himself feel better. Now I view the singing in a completely different light.

My point is not that Taz sings to make himself feel better. My point is about assumptions. Sometimes we think we know why a child is doing a certain behavior and assume the worst. Dig a little deeper. There may be something more pure under there.

Have a healing day!

Where is the wisdom in that?

My boys, Fish and Teddy, that graduated on Sunday had their wisdom teeth removed today. They are doing fine. They are downstairs watching tv.  RADlings have a difficult time letting anyone care for them when they are sick. Teddy lets the blood drip, coughs into my face and is non appreciative of anything I do to make him comfortable. It would be so very hard to be sore and hurting and not feel like anyone will help you or care for you. Tough to be his mom many days. Tougher to be him. His heart hurts worse than his mouth.

RAD grad

Ours sons Fish and Teddy have graduated.  Their reactions are so different from one another. Fortunately for Teddy, Fish is very social. So their grad party was well attended by other high school kids. Makes me worry for Taz in a couple of years as he has no real friends, but there is still time for him to work that out.  I took a lot of photos at graduation and also made a video of them getting their diploma. Fish's reaction was "those are neat mom. Thanks". Teddy, my child with RAD said "The video is fuzzy." and had no reaction to the photos. Now the rooky me would have been hurt that on his big day he still rejected me. I would never be good enough. But the experienced mom said "Yup. He has to keep his distance." I'm sure he liked them. He just can't say. Our kids love us as best they can. They really do.