RADtastic lunch

Yesterday before work I asked Taz to fix my lunch because I was running out of time. This morning I came out from getting ready and he said "Mom I fixed your lunch. It is on the counter." Then he took off on his bike. I tooka peek inside to see what I had and found a note "Mom, I love you. I hope you have a good day."

NEVER NEVER NEVER QUIT!  Healing from RAD is possible. It doesn't just happen from good parenting. It happens through education, training and then implementing those things into your child's life.  These are kids who suffered sever trauma. Prayer changes things. God will guide you into finding the right thing for your child and He will guide you in changes you need to make to stay healthy yourself.

Have a healing day!

Preparing for Adulthood with RAD

Teddy turned 18 yesterday. He had counesling today and then we met with the new doctor who will manage his meds. He is an APRN which is a nurse with a license to prescribe psychotopic meds. He took well over an hour for the first visit. It was impressive. I explained to him when Teddy was out of the room that I felt we have to really focus on preparing him to live as an adult with RAD rather than focusing on attachment.  The APRN and his current thrapist are really focusing on his anger. I realize (as do they) that his anger stems from RAD, but at this point he needs to learn to manager his anger and find other ways of expressing it.  We quit working hard on attachment when we stopped attachment therapy 2 1/2 years ago. At that point Teddy said frankly that he knew what he needed to do but that it was too hard. We decided to try to just not push it but be here ready should he become ready. That day did not come. I have reconciled myself to the fact that this is who he is for now. Does this mean I quit? No. This means I trust and have faith that God is working in his heart and will bring people and events into his life that will be what he needs. Gives fresh meaning to Let Go and Let God.  Never, never quit. We haven't but have to do it in a different way now. We are good.

Singin' the birthday blues

Fish and Teddy turned 18 today. In Nebraska the age of majority is 19.  I find that to be odd but it is what it is.  The last couple of years Taz has handled it pretty well.  This year I found that he cut the ribbing on the couch with a knife in 4 places.  Argh. I had him leave on his bike for awhile while I thought things through. At this point he was denying it was him. We had company from out of town coming in 2 hours. I ran to Wallie World and got fabric glue and some thread the color of our couch (out dated teal).  I  put glue into the cuts and then sewed them shut. You cannot see it. I had been thinking about getting a new couch as soon as we sell our other house but there is no way now. No way.  Taz is going to be a sophmore. I can wait a few more years.  When he got back from his bike ride he was settle down and said he was just bored so cut it.  It is hard for me to comprehend doing something like that. I can imagine no situation when I'd think it was ok. He did walk over to his closet and pulled out a pocket knife he'd found on the bike trail that he used to cut it. I'm still contemplating what he needs to do to make this up to me.  I told him it hurts because it feels like if he cuts my couch he is trying to hurt my feelings.  Sometimes I really understand my kids with RAD. Sometimes I have no idea.

I know all the theories. They have bene treated as disposable so they view everything as disposable. They are hurting so others should hurt.  Could be anything.

Trauma and Attachment in Children

KIIIIIIIIAAAAA! Take that RAD

I just took the boys to see Karate Kid.  Might be a little intense for younger kids. I heard a young one a few rows back who was a little stressed.  But it does carry a message about facing your fears.....Hmmmmm..

In the car on the way home.

Me: "I think the movie had a neat message about facing your fears."

Teddy: "I  used to tell myself the only thing I have to fear is fear itself and I conquered that so now I don't have any fears"

Me: " You seem to be acting out since we left because there was so much family closeness."

Teddy: A bunch of acting out stuff.

I repeat. The only things harder than parenting them is being them.

Father's Day/Trust

This morning when my husband walked into the kitchen I hear all three boys sing out a chorus of "Happy Father's Day Dad!"  It was hard not to be a little jealous as I thought of all the Mother's Days where it was mumbled some where along the line or not said at all.  Then I realized that is because Motherhood is so important to us. It goes to the core of our being. It is a place of honor that some mothers never understand. 

Later I took Taz to Culver's for some ice cream.  As we sat there he said "I was watching the Italian job and there was a quote I found inspirational." Taz actually is quite the intellectual when he isn't all ADHD'd out on me.  The quote was shocking to me "I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust" Oh my word what a summary of RAD. Such contradiction.  I was sad to here Taz still felt this way and I told him I did not really agree with the quote. He was surprised. I told him there are many people I do trust who I feel always have my best interest at heart. I told him that Dad and I hoped he would feel that way about us. Of course he said "I do." Uh yeah. 

Attachment is a progression over time. Taz has come along way.  And Teddy, even though he seems very unattached now, I still believe has a small amount of attachment toward us. Life is hard for them. We are blessed to walk the journey with them even though it is at times a rough and rocky road.

Have a healing weekend.

And Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there.  We appreciate all you do for our families. You mean the world to us!

RADicky

I do mean ICKY.  Bear will be 18 in another week.  In Nebraska legal age is 19 so we have one more year. He is on a waiting list for a lower level of RTC that is self pay. They receive a lot of funding so don't actually ask for much. I don't feel comfortable giving the name because of safety reasons.  Right Way is continuing to help us connect. This week a mentor called me. Not because I need advice on RAD so much as I need someone from this area who is familiar with RAD.  Our first conversation went very well and she is going to get a list of respite providers in the area for me.  Thanks to those who have asked and shared your love and concern.  Moving to a new area after living some place for 17 years has been tough on all of us but I do love ts town and our new home. We have visited a church and are getting to know neighbors. Quite an adjustment! While I do get frustrated with Bear for his defiance and "I'm a man" speeches I feel sad for him knowing how hard it is going to be for him when he leaves. While he is not attached he is most definitely afraid of abandonment.  I have begun my new internship and am learning the ropes. There is a lot to learn but it will be interesting work. I hope to get back into the swing of regular blogging again as I just finished two weeks of training at 40 hrs per week.  I'll be cutting back to 30 hours a week which will be much more doable.

We keep going.We do not quit. I hope you are doing the same.

Attachment Formation and Issues

RAD Beat

It goes on and on my friend.  We continue to work with Right Way.  They are great at finding resources for our family that fit with our need and what it is going on with us at the time.  They have resources that may pay for summer camp Teddy or our other kids. They also help with respite.  I found them while goodling residential treatment facilities in Nebraska. Keep digging you  never know what you might find in your area.

RAD RAD RAD

RAD is just beating my patootie these days.  Taz has had his moments since the move but then quickly pulls it back together. Teddy on the other hand is holding on by a thread. It is more serious since he is almost 18 and is 5'10".  I am working on lining up services in the area. Right Way has been a help. Everyone I talk to recommends the same therapist so we have an appointment with him next Thursday at 3. Teddy wavers back and forth in between admitting he needs it and saying he is not going.  We will see. He had 4 stitches in his elbow over the weekend from going after Fish and tackling him to the ground.  On top of my pile of decorative things to be put up, of course. 

He did admit he is angry about the move. That is progress as it is the first time since we moved onMay 21 that he has talked about it. It is a place to start.

Never, never, never quit. He is almost grown up but I will not lose hope. Some tell me I am not realistic. Maybe not. I will not quit.